Hi Rachel, I made a huge shift towards self-care last night. I still get teary eyed just thinking about it. I went to an in-person NAMI family support meeting last night. The beautiful souls there were so encouraging and had good suggestions for local resources for help.
My way to cope with living with an angry, sometimes violent mentally ill daughter (age 25) was to hide and be as invisible as possible. I was scared to peek out from my behind my defense wall to reach out for help. Now I am so grateful that I did and I plan to attend regularly!
Thank you Rachel for your support and encouragement to make self-care a non-negotiable necessity for all of us in difficult situations.
Dawn, this message you generously wrote here for us to read and celebrate and contemplate is a tremendous gift. What you shared here will undoubtably will create ripples of goodness far beyond what you can imagine. You just showed up here for us and what a difference you have made. My hand in yours, RMS
Your comment drew my attention to an organization (NAMI) that I had never heard about that would offer great resources should I find myself in need of them again. At the present time, my son seems to be in a better place than he was in his teenage/early college years, but I would have loved to know that such an organization might offer support groups for parents. I have other friends with whom I will share this resource who are currently in need of this type of help. I am thankful for this knowledge and wish you lots of success and support with your new meetings. Kelli Lorey
Rachel, I'm sitting at my desk on a bright spring morning here in northern Indiana. I noticed yesterday that the forsythias are in bloom. While driving my kids to school, I thought, "I wish I felt like that - that chipper sunshine yellow, but all that's been inside this long, lonely winter has been a diluted, dulled color. Maybe pastel yellow will have to do."
I'm aware of SAD and have been using light therapy for several years during the darkest months, but I hadn't heard of spring sadness before your post today. I'm pondering this now, Rachel.
Also, I've been in that head space where I've wondered if the world would be better off without me. I've been there a lot these last 4 years. Rachel, I just want you to know that it's a comfort to witness the ways we are connected to each other in this world, especially as you share this type of darkness with others.
I'm glad you show up every day. I realize that the compassion I feel for those who are desolate and despondent is the same compassion I need - and am learning, trying - to give myself.
Finally, thanks for mentioning me. You are such a treasure. I just want to thank you for sharing your tender heart. It helps me keep mine open to live and to love every day. 💕
These are the exact words I needed today but didn't know I did until I read them and began to feel emotional:
"I realize that the compassion I feel for those who are desolate and despondent is the same compassion I need - and am learning, trying - to give myself."
It is a gift to feel that someone truly understands what it's like to live with a deep feeling heart and so much of what goes along with that.
I am so grateful for every word of your comment today. I found myself nodding and tearing up and I know others will too. My hand in yours.
Jeannie, I am so struck by your words: “I realize that the compassion I feel for those who are desolate and despondent is the same compassion I need - and am learning, trying - to give myself.” I also feel so much compassion for others, yet I’m so hard on my self. Thank you so much for helping me realize this.
I, too, needed to hear those words again. I know how important it is to put my own oxygen mask on first, but I do tend to make others needed more urgent. This made me realize that I need to hang my current quote that is speaking to me up to see regularly! There are many variations and I might print them all, but it is basically fill your cup first and allow the world to benefit from your overflow because you can’t be helpful with an empty cup. Thank you Jeannie for your thoughts and words. They always hit! 😊
Ok, in response to my proclamation that I need to post these quotes around my house, the universe emailed me a new one that could very well spark a new @ARTuition directive for those of you who are art journaling! 😍
Sue, I feel that with you. I'm grateful you shared this. Thank you and the world needs your tender heart. Keep it open. Maybe we can all help each other to continue to show up and to choose love, every day. It's the best and most central theme to Rachel's books and her life's work, and we can participate in it, too. I send you love.
I have also gone through some very dark times when I no longer wanted to be in the world. With the help of a good counselor and supportive friends and family, I have learned great skills to help me cope. The three best things I learned were:
1) Do one thing for my mind, body, and spirit each day. This can be as simple as taking a walk or eating a healthy meal. I made lists in a journal for the days I couldn’t think.
2) My counselor encouraged me to write a letter to myself reminding me that I have always come through difficult times in the past, and I will get through whatever is in front of me now. It was hard to write, but I’ve had to read it a few times and it really helped!
3) You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to “pass.” We all want to be an A+ mom, wife, friend, employee, etc. But sometimes you can only manage a C, and a C is still passing! (That was liberating for my overachiever self).
Sending love to you and all who are not feeling joy this Spring.
Good morning Rachel! Thank you for letting me share my heart here. My mind is racing and my anxiety has been all over the place. I sat quietly in your Treehouse last week. I needed your message and your comforting words so much more than anyone could ever know. I live at Indian Lake, Ohio and on Thursday night we experienced the EF-3 tornado that devasted our hometown of Lakeview. This storm passed a mere 1/2 mile from my home (I live in the country) and three residences including all outbuildings that are in my eyesight were completely leveled to the ground. I don't know how or why we were spared but that storm occurred on the second anniversary of my mom's death. I am so thankful and blessed on this Friday as I was last week. Even though March and April will always remain sad months for me I look for the rebirth and renewal of the earth that Spring brings. Much love to you and my treehouse friends.
Oh friend. I am so sorry to know the path of destruction came so close, destroyed the homes of your community members, and left you shaken. Your story almost sound identical to mine when an F-2 tornado wreaked havoc in my community when we lived in Alabama. The girls were young and we had taken refuge in the basement. I remember the feeling of what we saw when we came out. It is something that you can't really understand unless you've seen it with your own eyes. I want you to know that I understand the fear, despair, and unsettledness that comes with going through an experience like that. I want you to know that in my mind's eye, I have my arms wrapped around you. I want you to know that you are worthy of tender care for as long as you need. I am so glad you are here with us safe and sound.
I am experiencing some spring unsettledness and try to remember how much connection feeds and nourishes me. Going out into the world and interacting wirh friends, store clerks, baristas, strangers waiting in line, small children, animals, signs of spring ALWAYS gives me a lift.
I love this, Claudia and it's such an accessible joy that costs absolutely nothing except for maybe a little courage! I feel like your example highlights that important piece in Shelly's quote where she says, "Because destiny isn't determined only by chance; it is also a choice. Consistently showing up means creating more opportunities for being in the right place at the right time, especially for opportunities that align with our values."
So many times when I am connective with strangers along my path I feel like I was in the right spot at the right time and that is balm to my heart.
Thank you for this beautiful contribution today, friend.
I love that you got to go be with Suzanna and her family when the got the kitties! I know how much joy that brought you!!! SO fun! And they’re adorable- so fluffy!!!! I can’t wait to squeeze you at the retreat- connection- it’s what was missing and what matters. Love you!
I am counting the days that I will be with you, Carrie. Being able to visit new areas of the country with you through our retreat connection is one of my life's greatest joys.
We show up for each other, my friend. The older I get the more I am realizing that reciprocal relationships like ours are rare and precious. Thank you for nurturing our connection. Love you dearly.
Spring Sadness isn’t what I can say I have felt. More of a reflection on the fact that I am missing CONNECTIONS in a huge way.
The essay I apparently wrote as a comment was too long and not accepted a week or two ago. So I sent it to you directly in a message, Rachel.
Since then I learned part of my “off/weird behavior/thoughts” were related to a generic ADHD medication, rather than Brand Vyvanse. The realization infuriated me because drug companies are not required to provide a list of their inactive ingredients. I felt like I had gone through sudden withdrawals and wasn’t taking the med at all.
So my ability to focus was diminished. As much as I get energy from others, I was communicating less in all areas of life, fatigued all the time, and unable to stop obsessing about certain things.
Here I am. Saying I am grateful I know my own body and was able to get help - I just wish it would not have taken me a week to see the signs.
Can you tell me how to turn on notifications so I am seeing your SUBSTACK posts as soon as they are posted? Also, is the Spring Soul Shift going to be through facebook or another platform? I am uncertain which email to sign up under, since I have two facebook accounts. Thank you.
Wow! You have made some very important realizations, Robin! I am so glad you are in tune with your body and made this connection between the generic meds and your symptoms. Thank you for sharing, which may really help another reader today.
When I publish a new post, it will show up immediately in your email inbox. If you want something more, you can have the Substack app on your phone. It will notify you when I publish a new post or note. Spring Soul Shift will take place in the Soul Shift member portal with the community group being a private FB group. I look forward to being with you this spring in Soul Shift!
I am sorry it took me so long to respond - my family got some unexpected news and I have had to focus on them. I will get to my message inbox over the weekend. Thank you for your patience and understanding.
Every post of yours hits at the right time, it seems... I had a baby girl on Christmas Eve. I'm 43. I feel like I probably shouldn't have started over with a new baby at this age. I have a 14 and 12 year old as well. I was remarried just about a year ago and this is his first baby. Please don't get me wrong... I do love this little girl and she's been such a blessing to us... BUT, this is HARD! Having a baby with 2 older kids is no joke...
We live in Florida, but we had a colder than usual winter here... I had been looking forward to the warmer weather coming... it came and then I was upset that it was here. I realized it's not the weather that I need to be different to make myself feel different... I need to accept where I'm at and continue taking steps to get myself in a better place. My OB gave me an antidepressant that I wouldn't take because I kept telling myself I could do it without that... like I could power through and be fine. I finally broke down this week and started taking it. It's been 2 days... I know I won't see a difference right away, but I feel like I made a step in the right direction by allowing myself the acceptance of help, even if it was a medication.
Thanks again for being there... walking along on each of our journeys, Rachel. When I see an email from you... I save it for when I have the time and space to really soak in the words and feel the emotions... I've learned I need space for these posts and it's a gift I give to myself.
I had my second at 40. He’s now 12. We have such fun together. 43 is still young! I’m reluctant to use medication myself. I use homeopathic remedies. They can be used along with or in place of. Be sure to read and research the side effects of your medications, too. It is hard to embrace the joys and ride the waves of motherhood when you are not feeling yourself. Sending mama hugs. Remember, that it feels good to help and when you reach out for support, those that need to be a helper will help you while you help them by providing the opportunity! I’m a helper and I forget this and have difficulty starting my needs. I try to do it all myself! Let us know how you’re doing.
You will get through this momma! Be honest and truthful about your journey to those you love. I am now realizing that after the fact. But I am so thankful to be more aware now. Awareness is always the first step, then honesty to ourselves and then with those we can connect with. Rachel is so right with the word connection. We Momma's need to do it more through honesty and openness with each other. We aren't in competition, we are here to support each other! I hope we can support each other more in this community. Hugs Momma!
I adopted my daughter as an infant when I was single and in my early 40s. It was HARD., even without the physical toll of giving birth and the burden of postpartum depression. You are taking steps in the right direction by accepting help which is so difficult for many of us. I hope that this place and our words can give you some of the support that you need.
As I am reading this in Toronto, the snow has started to come down and it isn’t supposed to stop until late tonight after about 10cm have fallen. It definitely does not feel like spring! It is also the ninth anniversary of my MIL’s passing and would have been my Nana’s birthday, though she passed years ago.
It has been a really challenging 2024 so far. I have felt in such a funk and out of sorts for a while now. However, I am meeting my SIL for lunch today and a couple of friends tonight, if the snow isn’t too bad. Connection is definitely so important and gets me out of my own head. Thank you Rachel for once again making me feel I am not alone.
Unsettled is a perfect word for how I am feeling lately. We have been in our current home for 6 years and I still feel a lack of connection/rooted-ness in this small central MN community. Everyone seems to have "their people". So the past 2 to 3 years, I have been going within. I am finding self love, self compassion and self care. Your words, encouragement and vulnerability come at the right time. I am sensitive to other people's energy and feel I maintain healthy boundaries. Yet, there are things that come up that I thought I healed from.....another layer needs tending to. Thank you for sharing Spring sadness, it makes me feel understood. I hope to make your next tree house session. Hugs to Everyone
How am I feeling this March? Hospitable! Last Saturday I hosted a reunion of classmates from my small school (graduating class of 28). I included folks in classes above and behind ours, as well as folks who transferred to other schools. I didn’t know if we’d have five or twenty-five! I knew it could be awkward or beautiful, and I asked God to make it beautiful.
It was beautiful! There were ten from our school, of whom one was in a different class. Most had graduated together, but some had transferred out. I had prepared some conversation guides, but never needed to introduce them because everyone had great conversations without any help! Even folks who had never met got along well. It was a lovely combination of memories of childhood and teen life and what our adult lives have been like.
My guest who was my best friend in second grade hugged me hard three times, thanking me for tracking her down to include her.
I expect this will be the first of many similar gatherings!
I’m feeling some Spring unsettledness currently as well. My mom is descending more into dementia and it breaks my heart. I start therapy on Monday and it scares me to death. On a lighter note I just scheduled a five week trip to S Korea to meet my new grandson and spend time with my youngest and his family. That alone is getting me through these days where I feel stuck in quicksand. I too have issues with my hip. I have found if I cut back on sugar it helps a lot. Thank you as always for your advice. I value you and our friendship.
Hello Rachel (and everyone - I love reading your messages),
Two things came to me, reading this:
1) I used to live in Spain, where they always used to say that the change of the seasons made people feel and behave differently. I was telling someone the other day, here in England, when we were ruminating on how we were feeling and why, just as the weather was improving. You are not alone - you have an entire country behind you!
2) Showing up can be difficult but it is very powerful. And, often, it is ALL we need to do. I was reminded of dating advice I read many years ago, which stayed with me to use in other siutations: all you have to is 'show up, be nice, go home'. That's it. We ask and expect a huge amount of ourselves, but just showing up is sometimes all it takes. We are glad of it from others. And it is just the beginning, the hardest step.
This made me realize that my production manager is in full force and panicking that the to do list for winter is not complete. There is a pretty continuous argument going between the manager and the healer who says that everything is happening exactly when it is meant to. I do now realize that my healer helps my productivity when I listen by taking care of myself first. I am happy to say that through healing myself I have now become comfortable with feeling good and will reach for self care as soon as I feel off. I have lots of tools in my toolbag these days to rebalance and I’m so much better at catching it early now. My toolbag-regular yoga, reiki and walks in nature for maintenance. Gratitude journaling and art making for joy and contentment. Homeopathic remedies, essential oils, crystals for rebalance. EMDR and bilateral music to process the hard stuff. Pets to remind me that I too need love. 🐾 💕
It has been a process taken one step at a time to add these things to my schedule as regular habits. So worth it! Thank you all for the connection here and for your words (Rachel and everyone) that teach me about you and me! 😊
I love that you call them the manager and the healer. I know that argument all too well. I will now refer to my gentle guidance to myself as the healer part of me! Thank you for that!
Hi Rachel. I haven’t become fully engaged in this community because I feel overwhelmed when I don’t read or comment “in time” but this is me trying (to quote TSwift)
First of all thank you for sharing and being vulnerable with this community. It’s so hard to celebrate a season when it is tinged with grief and memories.
Secondly I went immediately to follow Laura McKowen. I am three years sober in June and although I was mostly a sneaky private binge drinker, the springtime idea of “hang out and have drinks in the nice weather” can be triggering for me so when I saw the word sober it peaked my interest.
Thirdly this has been a crazy long and difficult winter for me although it wasn’t necessarily weather related. It was very much a season of uncertainty which is starting to reveal itself and now that spring is here I am so chock full of things I think I want to do that by time I organize my thoughts it’ll be summertime (springs are short here in Arkansas. It’ll be summer in a few weeks lol)
Feeling that spring sadness too. My heart remembers the terrible nightmare in my life started this time last year and will likely never end. Feeling that guilt you describe. I know I need to cultivate the moments, that sometimes just showing up in spite if it all is enough- some days are better than others.
Hi Rachel, I made a huge shift towards self-care last night. I still get teary eyed just thinking about it. I went to an in-person NAMI family support meeting last night. The beautiful souls there were so encouraging and had good suggestions for local resources for help.
My way to cope with living with an angry, sometimes violent mentally ill daughter (age 25) was to hide and be as invisible as possible. I was scared to peek out from my behind my defense wall to reach out for help. Now I am so grateful that I did and I plan to attend regularly!
Thank you Rachel for your support and encouragement to make self-care a non-negotiable necessity for all of us in difficult situations.
With much love and gratitude,
Dawn Friesen
Dawn, this message you generously wrote here for us to read and celebrate and contemplate is a tremendous gift. What you shared here will undoubtably will create ripples of goodness far beyond what you can imagine. You just showed up here for us and what a difference you have made. My hand in yours, RMS
Hi, Dawn!
Your comment drew my attention to an organization (NAMI) that I had never heard about that would offer great resources should I find myself in need of them again. At the present time, my son seems to be in a better place than he was in his teenage/early college years, but I would have loved to know that such an organization might offer support groups for parents. I have other friends with whom I will share this resource who are currently in need of this type of help. I am thankful for this knowledge and wish you lots of success and support with your new meetings. Kelli Lorey
Rachel, I'm sitting at my desk on a bright spring morning here in northern Indiana. I noticed yesterday that the forsythias are in bloom. While driving my kids to school, I thought, "I wish I felt like that - that chipper sunshine yellow, but all that's been inside this long, lonely winter has been a diluted, dulled color. Maybe pastel yellow will have to do."
I'm aware of SAD and have been using light therapy for several years during the darkest months, but I hadn't heard of spring sadness before your post today. I'm pondering this now, Rachel.
Also, I've been in that head space where I've wondered if the world would be better off without me. I've been there a lot these last 4 years. Rachel, I just want you to know that it's a comfort to witness the ways we are connected to each other in this world, especially as you share this type of darkness with others.
I'm glad you show up every day. I realize that the compassion I feel for those who are desolate and despondent is the same compassion I need - and am learning, trying - to give myself.
Finally, thanks for mentioning me. You are such a treasure. I just want to thank you for sharing your tender heart. It helps me keep mine open to live and to love every day. 💕
These are the exact words I needed today but didn't know I did until I read them and began to feel emotional:
"I realize that the compassion I feel for those who are desolate and despondent is the same compassion I need - and am learning, trying - to give myself."
It is a gift to feel that someone truly understands what it's like to live with a deep feeling heart and so much of what goes along with that.
I am so grateful for every word of your comment today. I found myself nodding and tearing up and I know others will too. My hand in yours.
Same, Rachel. I send my love to you from afar. ❤️
Jeannie, I am so struck by your words: “I realize that the compassion I feel for those who are desolate and despondent is the same compassion I need - and am learning, trying - to give myself.” I also feel so much compassion for others, yet I’m so hard on my self. Thank you so much for helping me realize this.
I, too, needed to hear those words again. I know how important it is to put my own oxygen mask on first, but I do tend to make others needed more urgent. This made me realize that I need to hang my current quote that is speaking to me up to see regularly! There are many variations and I might print them all, but it is basically fill your cup first and allow the world to benefit from your overflow because you can’t be helpful with an empty cup. Thank you Jeannie for your thoughts and words. They always hit! 😊
Ok, in response to my proclamation that I need to post these quotes around my house, the universe emailed me a new one that could very well spark a new @ARTuition directive for those of you who are art journaling! 😍
Sue, I feel that with you. I'm grateful you shared this. Thank you and the world needs your tender heart. Keep it open. Maybe we can all help each other to continue to show up and to choose love, every day. It's the best and most central theme to Rachel's books and her life's work, and we can participate in it, too. I send you love.
I have also gone through some very dark times when I no longer wanted to be in the world. With the help of a good counselor and supportive friends and family, I have learned great skills to help me cope. The three best things I learned were:
1) Do one thing for my mind, body, and spirit each day. This can be as simple as taking a walk or eating a healthy meal. I made lists in a journal for the days I couldn’t think.
2) My counselor encouraged me to write a letter to myself reminding me that I have always come through difficult times in the past, and I will get through whatever is in front of me now. It was hard to write, but I’ve had to read it a few times and it really helped!
3) You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to “pass.” We all want to be an A+ mom, wife, friend, employee, etc. But sometimes you can only manage a C, and a C is still passing! (That was liberating for my overachiever self).
Sending love to you and all who are not feeling joy this Spring.
I love how you said a C is still passing, and sometimes a C is our best. What a great perspective. Thank you for that, Jill.
Good morning Rachel! Thank you for letting me share my heart here. My mind is racing and my anxiety has been all over the place. I sat quietly in your Treehouse last week. I needed your message and your comforting words so much more than anyone could ever know. I live at Indian Lake, Ohio and on Thursday night we experienced the EF-3 tornado that devasted our hometown of Lakeview. This storm passed a mere 1/2 mile from my home (I live in the country) and three residences including all outbuildings that are in my eyesight were completely leveled to the ground. I don't know how or why we were spared but that storm occurred on the second anniversary of my mom's death. I am so thankful and blessed on this Friday as I was last week. Even though March and April will always remain sad months for me I look for the rebirth and renewal of the earth that Spring brings. Much love to you and my treehouse friends.
Oh friend. I am so sorry to know the path of destruction came so close, destroyed the homes of your community members, and left you shaken. Your story almost sound identical to mine when an F-2 tornado wreaked havoc in my community when we lived in Alabama. The girls were young and we had taken refuge in the basement. I remember the feeling of what we saw when we came out. It is something that you can't really understand unless you've seen it with your own eyes. I want you to know that I understand the fear, despair, and unsettledness that comes with going through an experience like that. I want you to know that in my mind's eye, I have my arms wrapped around you. I want you to know that you are worthy of tender care for as long as you need. I am so glad you are here with us safe and sound.
So sorry to hear of the impact to your community. My thoughts are with you all at what must be a most difficult time.
I am experiencing some spring unsettledness and try to remember how much connection feeds and nourishes me. Going out into the world and interacting wirh friends, store clerks, baristas, strangers waiting in line, small children, animals, signs of spring ALWAYS gives me a lift.
I love this, Claudia and it's such an accessible joy that costs absolutely nothing except for maybe a little courage! I feel like your example highlights that important piece in Shelly's quote where she says, "Because destiny isn't determined only by chance; it is also a choice. Consistently showing up means creating more opportunities for being in the right place at the right time, especially for opportunities that align with our values."
So many times when I am connective with strangers along my path I feel like I was in the right spot at the right time and that is balm to my heart.
Thank you for this beautiful contribution today, friend.
I love that you got to go be with Suzanna and her family when the got the kitties! I know how much joy that brought you!!! SO fun! And they’re adorable- so fluffy!!!! I can’t wait to squeeze you at the retreat- connection- it’s what was missing and what matters. Love you!
I am counting the days that I will be with you, Carrie. Being able to visit new areas of the country with you through our retreat connection is one of my life's greatest joys.
Me too!!!! I am so grateful for the chance! ❤️
You are the best shower-upper I've ever known. Love you. <3
We show up for each other, my friend. The older I get the more I am realizing that reciprocal relationships like ours are rare and precious. Thank you for nurturing our connection. Love you dearly.
Spring Sadness isn’t what I can say I have felt. More of a reflection on the fact that I am missing CONNECTIONS in a huge way.
The essay I apparently wrote as a comment was too long and not accepted a week or two ago. So I sent it to you directly in a message, Rachel.
Since then I learned part of my “off/weird behavior/thoughts” were related to a generic ADHD medication, rather than Brand Vyvanse. The realization infuriated me because drug companies are not required to provide a list of their inactive ingredients. I felt like I had gone through sudden withdrawals and wasn’t taking the med at all.
So my ability to focus was diminished. As much as I get energy from others, I was communicating less in all areas of life, fatigued all the time, and unable to stop obsessing about certain things.
Here I am. Saying I am grateful I know my own body and was able to get help - I just wish it would not have taken me a week to see the signs.
Can you tell me how to turn on notifications so I am seeing your SUBSTACK posts as soon as they are posted? Also, is the Spring Soul Shift going to be through facebook or another platform? I am uncertain which email to sign up under, since I have two facebook accounts. Thank you.
Wow! You have made some very important realizations, Robin! I am so glad you are in tune with your body and made this connection between the generic meds and your symptoms. Thank you for sharing, which may really help another reader today.
When I publish a new post, it will show up immediately in your email inbox. If you want something more, you can have the Substack app on your phone. It will notify you when I publish a new post or note. Spring Soul Shift will take place in the Soul Shift member portal with the community group being a private FB group. I look forward to being with you this spring in Soul Shift!
I am sorry it took me so long to respond - my family got some unexpected news and I have had to focus on them. I will get to my message inbox over the weekend. Thank you for your patience and understanding.
Every post of yours hits at the right time, it seems... I had a baby girl on Christmas Eve. I'm 43. I feel like I probably shouldn't have started over with a new baby at this age. I have a 14 and 12 year old as well. I was remarried just about a year ago and this is his first baby. Please don't get me wrong... I do love this little girl and she's been such a blessing to us... BUT, this is HARD! Having a baby with 2 older kids is no joke...
We live in Florida, but we had a colder than usual winter here... I had been looking forward to the warmer weather coming... it came and then I was upset that it was here. I realized it's not the weather that I need to be different to make myself feel different... I need to accept where I'm at and continue taking steps to get myself in a better place. My OB gave me an antidepressant that I wouldn't take because I kept telling myself I could do it without that... like I could power through and be fine. I finally broke down this week and started taking it. It's been 2 days... I know I won't see a difference right away, but I feel like I made a step in the right direction by allowing myself the acceptance of help, even if it was a medication.
Thanks again for being there... walking along on each of our journeys, Rachel. When I see an email from you... I save it for when I have the time and space to really soak in the words and feel the emotions... I've learned I need space for these posts and it's a gift I give to myself.
I had my second at 40. He’s now 12. We have such fun together. 43 is still young! I’m reluctant to use medication myself. I use homeopathic remedies. They can be used along with or in place of. Be sure to read and research the side effects of your medications, too. It is hard to embrace the joys and ride the waves of motherhood when you are not feeling yourself. Sending mama hugs. Remember, that it feels good to help and when you reach out for support, those that need to be a helper will help you while you help them by providing the opportunity! I’m a helper and I forget this and have difficulty starting my needs. I try to do it all myself! Let us know how you’re doing.
You will get through this momma! Be honest and truthful about your journey to those you love. I am now realizing that after the fact. But I am so thankful to be more aware now. Awareness is always the first step, then honesty to ourselves and then with those we can connect with. Rachel is so right with the word connection. We Momma's need to do it more through honesty and openness with each other. We aren't in competition, we are here to support each other! I hope we can support each other more in this community. Hugs Momma!
I adopted my daughter as an infant when I was single and in my early 40s. It was HARD., even without the physical toll of giving birth and the burden of postpartum depression. You are taking steps in the right direction by accepting help which is so difficult for many of us. I hope that this place and our words can give you some of the support that you need.
As I am reading this in Toronto, the snow has started to come down and it isn’t supposed to stop until late tonight after about 10cm have fallen. It definitely does not feel like spring! It is also the ninth anniversary of my MIL’s passing and would have been my Nana’s birthday, though she passed years ago.
It has been a really challenging 2024 so far. I have felt in such a funk and out of sorts for a while now. However, I am meeting my SIL for lunch today and a couple of friends tonight, if the snow isn’t too bad. Connection is definitely so important and gets me out of my own head. Thank you Rachel for once again making me feel I am not alone.
Unsettled is a perfect word for how I am feeling lately. We have been in our current home for 6 years and I still feel a lack of connection/rooted-ness in this small central MN community. Everyone seems to have "their people". So the past 2 to 3 years, I have been going within. I am finding self love, self compassion and self care. Your words, encouragement and vulnerability come at the right time. I am sensitive to other people's energy and feel I maintain healthy boundaries. Yet, there are things that come up that I thought I healed from.....another layer needs tending to. Thank you for sharing Spring sadness, it makes me feel understood. I hope to make your next tree house session. Hugs to Everyone
How am I feeling this March? Hospitable! Last Saturday I hosted a reunion of classmates from my small school (graduating class of 28). I included folks in classes above and behind ours, as well as folks who transferred to other schools. I didn’t know if we’d have five or twenty-five! I knew it could be awkward or beautiful, and I asked God to make it beautiful.
It was beautiful! There were ten from our school, of whom one was in a different class. Most had graduated together, but some had transferred out. I had prepared some conversation guides, but never needed to introduce them because everyone had great conversations without any help! Even folks who had never met got along well. It was a lovely combination of memories of childhood and teen life and what our adult lives have been like.
My guest who was my best friend in second grade hugged me hard three times, thanking me for tracking her down to include her.
I expect this will be the first of many similar gatherings!
I’m feeling some Spring unsettledness currently as well. My mom is descending more into dementia and it breaks my heart. I start therapy on Monday and it scares me to death. On a lighter note I just scheduled a five week trip to S Korea to meet my new grandson and spend time with my youngest and his family. That alone is getting me through these days where I feel stuck in quicksand. I too have issues with my hip. I have found if I cut back on sugar it helps a lot. Thank you as always for your advice. I value you and our friendship.
Hello Rachel (and everyone - I love reading your messages),
Two things came to me, reading this:
1) I used to live in Spain, where they always used to say that the change of the seasons made people feel and behave differently. I was telling someone the other day, here in England, when we were ruminating on how we were feeling and why, just as the weather was improving. You are not alone - you have an entire country behind you!
2) Showing up can be difficult but it is very powerful. And, often, it is ALL we need to do. I was reminded of dating advice I read many years ago, which stayed with me to use in other siutations: all you have to is 'show up, be nice, go home'. That's it. We ask and expect a huge amount of ourselves, but just showing up is sometimes all it takes. We are glad of it from others. And it is just the beginning, the hardest step.
I love all of this so much!! Show up and go home! So right!! Sometimes we have more to give and other times we don't and that's okay!!!
This made me realize that my production manager is in full force and panicking that the to do list for winter is not complete. There is a pretty continuous argument going between the manager and the healer who says that everything is happening exactly when it is meant to. I do now realize that my healer helps my productivity when I listen by taking care of myself first. I am happy to say that through healing myself I have now become comfortable with feeling good and will reach for self care as soon as I feel off. I have lots of tools in my toolbag these days to rebalance and I’m so much better at catching it early now. My toolbag-regular yoga, reiki and walks in nature for maintenance. Gratitude journaling and art making for joy and contentment. Homeopathic remedies, essential oils, crystals for rebalance. EMDR and bilateral music to process the hard stuff. Pets to remind me that I too need love. 🐾 💕
It has been a process taken one step at a time to add these things to my schedule as regular habits. So worth it! Thank you all for the connection here and for your words (Rachel and everyone) that teach me about you and me! 😊
I love that you call them the manager and the healer. I know that argument all too well. I will now refer to my gentle guidance to myself as the healer part of me! Thank you for that!
Hi Rachel. I haven’t become fully engaged in this community because I feel overwhelmed when I don’t read or comment “in time” but this is me trying (to quote TSwift)
First of all thank you for sharing and being vulnerable with this community. It’s so hard to celebrate a season when it is tinged with grief and memories.
Secondly I went immediately to follow Laura McKowen. I am three years sober in June and although I was mostly a sneaky private binge drinker, the springtime idea of “hang out and have drinks in the nice weather” can be triggering for me so when I saw the word sober it peaked my interest.
Thirdly this has been a crazy long and difficult winter for me although it wasn’t necessarily weather related. It was very much a season of uncertainty which is starting to reveal itself and now that spring is here I am so chock full of things I think I want to do that by time I organize my thoughts it’ll be summertime (springs are short here in Arkansas. It’ll be summer in a few weeks lol)
Feeling that spring sadness too. My heart remembers the terrible nightmare in my life started this time last year and will likely never end. Feeling that guilt you describe. I know I need to cultivate the moments, that sometimes just showing up in spite if it all is enough- some days are better than others.