Spring Sadness Is Real... But So Is Relief

let's make sure your coping list isn’t incomplete

Photo by Beth Jnr on Unsplash

Winter seemed especially long this year.  Where I live was considerably wetter than normal, and I found myself longing for the sun. The sun came back last week, as if it had a loyal partnership with the first day of Spring.

And yet…

I find my insides not matching the outside.

Feeling gray when it’s sunny comes with a lot of internal chatter.

How could you be sad on a day like this?
Isn’t this what you’ve been waiting for?
Come on, snap out of it!

Although I’m fully aware of its ineffectiveness, the tendency to shame myself into feeling better is deeply engrained.

Thankfully, the Soul Shift inner work I’ve done over the years allows me to spot shame’s presence where it doesn’t belong and replace self-sabotaging messages with awareness and compassion. I gently remind myself that ever since March 2017, springtime equals grief-time for me.

My father-in-law, Ben, passed away on March 19, 2017.

That very same night, in a hotel room in Canada, I hit the lowest, darkest place of my life. I wondered if the world would be better off without me.

That devastating moment and the overcoming of it are now part of my inner fiber.

So, no matter if trees are blooming, tulips are appearing, birds are chirping, and everything is coming to life around me, I feel sadness in my bones – both literally and figuratively. I am currently walking with a limp from a dull pain in my hip that cannot be eased with physical therapy, electric stimulation, stretching, ice, or heat.

A few days ago, I settled into the recliner that best relieves the pressure on my hip and began wading through my email inbox. I stopped deleting messages when I got to the newsletter of one of my favorite writers,

Laura McKowen

, author of We Are The Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life and founder of The Luckiest Club, an international sobriety support community.

The newsletter began by wishing everyone a happy Spring Equinox and linked to a video from Eric Johnson, CEO of The Luckiest Club. The title of the three-minute video was Spring in Sobriety. Curious, I pushed PLAY.

Thirty-two seconds in, I felt like this message was just for me.

“I also put this message out here because spring can be a tricky time of year for so many people,” Eric said. “There is actually a substantial amount of data that suggests March and April are two of the most difficult months of the year from a mental health perspective.”

What? Really?!!!

This information blew my mind and instantly banished the shame I’ve been feeling with four little words:

“I am not alone.”

With a quick Google search, I learned about Spring Depression (or reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder), its suspected causes, and tips to cope. Health journalist Laurie Salomon offered these five tips:

·      Acknowledge the change
·      Remember life is cyclical
·      Lean into spring’s bounty by going outside
·      Try light therapy
·      Get professional help

I scanned the list of tips several times looking for something major that was missing:

Connection

The fact that I knew connection with other living things (such as people, animals, and nature) should be on that list allowed me to see the progress I’ve made over the years.

In my past episodes of springtime sadness, I isolated myself. I avoided social settings. I canceled meet ups. This time I haven’t – and over the past seven days, the moments I’ve felt happiest and most optimistic is when I have been in connection.

There are three specific incidents that really stick out in my mind:

1) The first happened exactly one week ago during our treehouse live gathering on Zoom. Feeling safe to be myself there, my planned topic on self-discovery went a little off script. I vulnerably shared what I was learning about how sensitive, deep feeling souls can make our unique contributions to the world without disregarding our own needs and limitations.

I shared specific examples from my life and opened the floor for members to share their experiences. Their contributions were beautiful and enlightening. Afterwards, several participants let me know how the session resonated with them.

Jeannie Ewing

wrote:

“Today was just a breath of fresh air in my life… everything you shared today felt like an excerpt from my cognition – what it's like to be inside my head – and the accompanying feelings.”

2) The second connective experience that brought relief from my sadness was hearing from Suzanna, a member of this community who adopted a senior cat several years ago from the rescue where I used to volunteer. Rosie (renamed Apple) lived out her remaining years in a home full of love and had recently passed away. Ready to adopt again, Suzanna had me inquire about several exceptionally beautiful kittens featured on the website that were recently rescued from a feral colony.

The very next day, Suzanna messaged to let me know she and her family were on their way to meet the kittens.

“Would it be annoying if I came too?” I typed back.

After hitting send, I realized I just willingly volunteered to go out in public on a Saturday that I’d planned to stay comfy and cozy at home.

“Please come!” she messaged back. I threw on a hat and drove to the designated PetSmart. Feeling a surge of unexpected joy over what was transpiring, I turned up the music and sang until I got there.

I spent over an hour with Suzanna and her family playing with energetic, fluffy kittens until they settled on the bonded pair of brothers. When it was time for their official adoption photo, they waved me over.

“We want you to be in it,” Suzanna said. “This moment wouldn’t be happening if it weren’t for you.”

3) The third connective experience that offered relief from my sadness happened while writing birthday cards to several Founding Members of Rachel’s Treehouse. As a perk for this above and beyond level of support, subscribers receive a personal message from me during their birthday month. There are two Founding Members with birthdays at the end of March and two at the beginning of April. Choosing the cards, the pen colors, and the personalized words for each recipient brought me indescribable joy. In my mind’s eye, I could see their delight upon opening the cards. Despite different backgrounds, locations, and life circumstances, we would feel connected in that moment.

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The book I am currently reading, Sit Down to Rise Up: How Radical Self-Care Can Change the World, is helping me understand why these three experiences boosted my mental health and physical wellbeing. The founder of Pandemic of Love, a grassroots mutual aid organization, Shelly Tygielski writes:

“The secret to life is this: Show up. Show up for yourself and for others. Show up physically to create sacred spaces. Show up consistently. Show up even when others don't show up. Show up in a way that makes every person feel held. Show up in a way that makes you feel held by others.

Why? Because destiny isn't determined only by chance; it is also a choice. Consistently showing up means creating more opportunities for being in the right place at the right time, especially for opportunities that align with our values. Showing up means creating the possibility for fully experiencing life in the present moment and feeling that presence deep in our mind, body, and spirit. Ultimately, consistently showing up for ourselves lays the foundation for our life's purpose: showing up for others.”

The times I’ve felt a reprieve from the heartache of grief are the times I showed up instead of shying away… the times I have chosen to connect rather than disengage.

In these moments, I’ve felt a part of something bigger than myself while simultaneously feeling closer to a smaller, deeply important part of myself.

My friends, if these words find you in spring sadness or just spring unsettledness, please envision my hand reaching through this screen.

You are not alone.

Those four words hold a lot of weight –

they also relieve the weight of sadness when we make the choice to show up.

Keep showing up here, will you?

I will too.

What we are building together matters.🌳❤️

In the comments, I’d love to hear how you are feeling this spring. Even if it’s just a one-word description, let’s touch base with each other today.

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My friends, with the arrival of Spring, I’ve been thinking a lot about renewal. I think that's why every fiber in my body is nudging me to freshen up my Soul Shift online course and offer it in a streamlined 6-week format. Through its practical, self-paced lessons and hand-in-hand style supported by live gatherings, Soul Shift has helped thousands of people make lasting habit shifts that have positively impacted their relationships with the people who matter most – including themselves!  

If you'd like to make a “spring shift” with me this year and get fueled up for a summer of practicing healthy boundaries and improved relationship connections, this shortened version of Soul Shift is just right.

Click here to add your name to the waitlist, then keep an eye out for an email on April 7^th with all the course details and an invitation to join at a special early-bird price.

Please don’t delay putting yourself on the waitlist if you are interested. Those of you who have taken the course before can join with the alumni rate as always.