I sit here, tears on my keyboard, feeling understood and less alone. So much less alone. I have mumbled to myself time and time again how exhausted I am because I have been caring for others non stop for two months. Everyone in my immediate life is in crisis. I love caring for those I love and also...I wish I was on the care receiving end as well because care giving is exhausting. Being strong and wise and resourceful for five people takes a lot. It is leaving little to give love to myself AND yet I still try because I am inspired by posts just like this. Thank you Rachel for sharing and leading the way.🧡
Just want to acknowledge that I hear you, dear Sheila. It is a brave acknowledgement you have made for yourself. I want you to know I support you and this nudge toward truly caring for yourself. Please keep me posted. We can encourage each other to prioritize our health and wellness.
I love your honesty! These words are so from the heart I feel them deeply inside me. You are not alone and so glad we can support and connect here through Rachel's braver and example.
I recently spent a week staying with my sister while she recovered from surgery. She slept a lot, and I ended up having a lot of time to myself. I homeschool my four children, and we travel full time, so my life is busy. Having several days to myself gave me an opportunity to listen to my body and I was able to take full advantage of that time to rest and replenish. While I was gone, my kids became more independent and sent me pictures of them doing things I usually did for them. I left my sister feeling more capable to continue her own recovery, and I returned home feeling ready for the next semester of school. This is usually the time of the school year I start feeling burnt out, but this time I have more inner space to work with. I may have to make a tradition of taking a few days away from my family to recharge. We all seem to have benefitted!
Wow! This is some major encouragement to those of us who worry that things will fall apart if we step back. You provided such a great example of how stepping back allows other people to step forward and show how capable they are! I’m going to remember this!!! Thank you!
This is so inspiring! I am choosing to give more time to myself and there is that voice that still says you are a mom. But your words inspire me because I do believe that my self care will lead to growth for him as well. Thanks for your honesty in sharing! 🥰
My dad, another close family member, and one of my closest friends all had an extremely difficult health year in 2023. I live across the country from all of them and I am not able to directly care for any of them. It's been a year of near daily calls or regular check-ins, care packages and food delivery, emergency and non-emergency flights. Being able to do so little for people I love so much has been hard, on top of the everyday caregiving for a family of school-aged kids, ramping up more long-distance care for our parents, and maintaining a social circle. This year, I need to figure out how to give myself more opportunities to rest and be cared for because I am stressed, whether I think I deserve to be stressed or not.
You have showed up for your people, dear Tiffany in all the ways that matter most. I’m quite certain they would want you to direct some of that love and care towards yourself (this is what one of my friends in need told me)... so here is to carving out some Tiffany Time each day to do something that fuels you.
This spoke to my heart Rachel. Thank you. I wish you and your family continued healing and discovery. Your message of “how can we recover” not how can we fix resonates so loudly. Making a note. Can’t wait for the lounge - already have soft pants ready. Soft is key lately. Work day today but saving your prompts for later reflection. Thank you for this beautiful space and permission to thrive.
“Permission to thrive” - i love this. I don’t know why I need to give myself this permission (and that’s ok), I just know things are starting to feel so much better now that I am. Grateful we can do this together.
Thanks for pulling those words out an emphasizing them. Love that we all find the words that speak to us and others can bring them out for us to notice too!
Rachel - I am reading this in the waiting room as my husband is having surgery to repair a completely torn quad tendon - an injury he suffered while we were attempting a quick anniversary trip right before Christmas. It’s more complicated and in a hospital bc he takes blood thinners. I heard your wise words - that’s the fear talking - when I was struggling to keep my cool today. Let’s just say me and uncertainty are not a good companionship. The blame and judgment from others - why did we think going on vacation right before Christmas was a good idea? When is the house not going to be in an uproar? Why don’t the kids (12 and 9) help out more? - is bringing me down. I am trying to give myself peace in a trying time. I am so fortunate to work for a company that will give me paid caregiver leave - so now I just have to take it. The subscription to this site was my gift to myself as a start
Dear Kathy, I have sat in many waiting rooms over the years with my family and to know that my words found you while you sit there brings me to tears. I wish I could sit with you in real life. I am so glad you know the blame and judgement from others is NOT yours to carry. We make the best decisions we can and sometimes life happens! Keep taking it day by day, moment by moment. Know that the treehouse community is here for you.
Yoga is the key to relaxation and wellbeing. I know you walk, dear friend, but add some yoga, and get back to me!! Love this new space, Rachel's Treehouse, for you.
Why did it make me cry to see your name here, my friend? Because I know joining Substack took a bit of effort on your part and you decided it was important enough to do it. You have been with me from the start of my writing and it feels so comforting to have you here. I have been thinking about trying a yoga session! I’m gonna do that this week for you (and I know I’ll probably love it!)
💜Love💜 This was just what I needed to help get beyond feeling “there’s something wrong with me for feeling this way”! The prompts will inspire good journaling today. Many thanks!
Oh yes! I have that thought sometimes too, and I try to very gently to remind myself I am human & allllll my feelings are valid and worthy of listening to. There is nothing wrong with us - our bodies are just trying to tell us we need some tending.
I have been in careGIVING mode for two years. I am a natural CAREGIVER and if I am honest the focus on everyone but me goes back a long while, but the last two years were HARD. You touched on stretching and I have been meaning to look into some somatic work to release my body so I can wrap-up the work to be done at my Dad's house and get back to living MY life with new focus on maintaining better balance of my own energy. If only I could just crawl up in this tree house until I am ready...
I love that this essay connected to a nudge you’ve been feeling to look into somatic work to release your body. It sounds like the load you’ve been carrying is heavy, friend. Please feel free to share what you discover. No rush. Take your time. I’ll be here.
Not giving tender care to ourselves is a condition we care-givers often suffer from, I call it a “condition of heart”. In this condition of heart our sight becomes skewed and slighted to our loved one’s struggle, our perspectives becomes narrowed and there is no place, no time, no energy for taking care of ourselves to be found.
Your grace- filled, gorgeous invitation helps us enlarge this perspective Rachel, it encourages us to SEE ourselves with needs that are worthy of filling fully. If we are able to stand outside the medical condition we are granted eyes that can take in the whole of the picture happening and that can help us in making choices with doctors, therapies, prescriptions and insurance.
We can make early am appointments because we are at our bestest in the morning to take in all the new information. Then in the afternoon go for a walk around the block to let the data sink in before making the Next decision.
Standing outside the medical condition shows us the truth of the story, there is room enough for my loved one’s care AND tending to myself. There is room enough to be kind and gentle with my loved one and my own sweet self as well.
This knowingness of taking tender care creates a capacity for all to have well-being in our human condition.
These are words that can ONLY be written by someone who has been there. I am emotional reading your words because I feel 1) unalone and 2) understood.
I am saving these two passages to read over and over:
"If we are able to stand outside the medical condition we are granted eyes that can take in the whole of the picture happening and that can help us in making choices with doctors, therapies, prescriptions and insurance."
"We can make early am appointments because we are at our bestest in the morning to take in all the new information. Then in the afternoon go for a walk around the block to let the data sink in before making the Next decision."
At long last, I am FINALLY attending one of your retreats!! I just booked the Kripalu Soul-Shift experience and I am beyond excited! Finally giving myself permission to take care of ME amidst all the other things tugging at my time and my heart feels like a real turning point in my story. With grace and gratitude for you creating space for both nourishment and healing, I'm thrilled to be able to say... I'll meet you in the mountains, mama! Take care and be well!
This makes me cry happy tears of joy. I already sensed that this would be a VERY special group coming to Kripalu and now I KNOW it's a very, VERY special group. Oh friend. Thank you for the gift of your presence and your hand. What a glorious weekend awaits us!
I headed here for on another comment on another page, and was surprised to find this piece with such unexpected resonance. Thank you, and I really appreciated the lemon pudding moment.
As I was reading the beginning I wanted to acknowledge your caregiver role and how it impacts us, then when your friend mentioned it I was so grateful you know! You are so seen Rachel and we are all beside you. 💞❤️
Appreciate the support of my publication. I just recommended yours. We both share the message of creating joy so hopefully more readers can find your content.
How do you ALWAYS manage to write exactly what I need to hear??? I have been struggling with myself over the total miss of my son's diagnosis and how to deal with it. This is what I needed to hear. While I may not have been the best mom at the time, I can strive to be from now on. Thank you. Side note: the Irish Lemon Pudding sounds amazing. I am going to have to look that recipe up and try it for my family.
During these past few years, I have desperately wanted to be more on the receiving end of caring. It isn’t meant to be.
I love your question, how can we recover?
Idk. I’m sure it’s going to take a lot of kindness and self-compassion and boundaries. I love myself now and have realized that I must put my own self first as no one else will.
Last night, I went to bed at the same time as my little ones. I woke up at 6 am and rolled over and slept until it was time to wake the kids for school. This morning I took the car to the dealership and volunteered at my kids’ school. Then I came home and took a glorious 3 hour nap. I’m going to lean in for a bit and let my body relax and sleep. I cannot continue to take care of others at the expense of rest.
In February of 2022 my life flipped upside down with developing symptoms that brought me to be bed ridden for the summer of 2022. Since that point I have taken brave steps to move from the bed back into life, still on the journey. Most of my life I have been a giver, so to take care was a huge blessing and I am beyond grateful for all the people that have been by my side along the way. As I am transitioning back into life, there are many emotions and feelings that are arising for not only me, but my family as I begin the journey of who I deeply am. This has shown itself greatly in the first 10 days of 2024. Which led me to say I need to be selfish for a while longer to continue to connect with me. Not the me that "needs to be healed" the me that is here right now today. If I can learn to love and trust myself, by taking the time I need I Believe I can then develop deeper connections. I know selfish and connections don't seem to go together but I truly believe they do. I think more love for myself will develop more love, patience, and compassion for others because my energy will be used in the ways it has always been meant to be doing those things for myself first. My phrase has been "I am not the past, I am not the future, I am right here right now and I am love and I am loved." I can't go backwards and I can't move forwards but I can be in this moment. As always your post came on a day where I had all these ideas come together this morning! Here's to taking my first steps of listening to my inner voice!
I am choosing the give to myself by creating a space outside of our home in one of our rentals that isn't being rented as my creative space. A space just for me that allows me to have uninterrupted time to do what I want to do. Also, it has a view of a creek outside which just adds to the peace. 😁
I sit here, tears on my keyboard, feeling understood and less alone. So much less alone. I have mumbled to myself time and time again how exhausted I am because I have been caring for others non stop for two months. Everyone in my immediate life is in crisis. I love caring for those I love and also...I wish I was on the care receiving end as well because care giving is exhausting. Being strong and wise and resourceful for five people takes a lot. It is leaving little to give love to myself AND yet I still try because I am inspired by posts just like this. Thank you Rachel for sharing and leading the way.🧡
Just want to acknowledge that I hear you, dear Sheila. It is a brave acknowledgement you have made for yourself. I want you to know I support you and this nudge toward truly caring for yourself. Please keep me posted. We can encourage each other to prioritize our health and wellness.
I love your honesty! These words are so from the heart I feel them deeply inside me. You are not alone and so glad we can support and connect here through Rachel's braver and example.
I recently spent a week staying with my sister while she recovered from surgery. She slept a lot, and I ended up having a lot of time to myself. I homeschool my four children, and we travel full time, so my life is busy. Having several days to myself gave me an opportunity to listen to my body and I was able to take full advantage of that time to rest and replenish. While I was gone, my kids became more independent and sent me pictures of them doing things I usually did for them. I left my sister feeling more capable to continue her own recovery, and I returned home feeling ready for the next semester of school. This is usually the time of the school year I start feeling burnt out, but this time I have more inner space to work with. I may have to make a tradition of taking a few days away from my family to recharge. We all seem to have benefitted!
Wow! This is some major encouragement to those of us who worry that things will fall apart if we step back. You provided such a great example of how stepping back allows other people to step forward and show how capable they are! I’m going to remember this!!! Thank you!
YES! I think I just experienced the magic of the universe working this magic. 😄
This is so inspiring! I am choosing to give more time to myself and there is that voice that still says you are a mom. But your words inspire me because I do believe that my self care will lead to growth for him as well. Thanks for your honesty in sharing! 🥰
My dad, another close family member, and one of my closest friends all had an extremely difficult health year in 2023. I live across the country from all of them and I am not able to directly care for any of them. It's been a year of near daily calls or regular check-ins, care packages and food delivery, emergency and non-emergency flights. Being able to do so little for people I love so much has been hard, on top of the everyday caregiving for a family of school-aged kids, ramping up more long-distance care for our parents, and maintaining a social circle. This year, I need to figure out how to give myself more opportunities to rest and be cared for because I am stressed, whether I think I deserve to be stressed or not.
You have showed up for your people, dear Tiffany in all the ways that matter most. I’m quite certain they would want you to direct some of that love and care towards yourself (this is what one of my friends in need told me)... so here is to carving out some Tiffany Time each day to do something that fuels you.
Thank you for your kind words.
This spoke to my heart Rachel. Thank you. I wish you and your family continued healing and discovery. Your message of “how can we recover” not how can we fix resonates so loudly. Making a note. Can’t wait for the lounge - already have soft pants ready. Soft is key lately. Work day today but saving your prompts for later reflection. Thank you for this beautiful space and permission to thrive.
“Permission to thrive” - i love this. I don’t know why I need to give myself this permission (and that’s ok), I just know things are starting to feel so much better now that I am. Grateful we can do this together.
Thanks for pulling those words out an emphasizing them. Love that we all find the words that speak to us and others can bring them out for us to notice too!
Rachel - I am reading this in the waiting room as my husband is having surgery to repair a completely torn quad tendon - an injury he suffered while we were attempting a quick anniversary trip right before Christmas. It’s more complicated and in a hospital bc he takes blood thinners. I heard your wise words - that’s the fear talking - when I was struggling to keep my cool today. Let’s just say me and uncertainty are not a good companionship. The blame and judgment from others - why did we think going on vacation right before Christmas was a good idea? When is the house not going to be in an uproar? Why don’t the kids (12 and 9) help out more? - is bringing me down. I am trying to give myself peace in a trying time. I am so fortunate to work for a company that will give me paid caregiver leave - so now I just have to take it. The subscription to this site was my gift to myself as a start
Dear Kathy, I have sat in many waiting rooms over the years with my family and to know that my words found you while you sit there brings me to tears. I wish I could sit with you in real life. I am so glad you know the blame and judgement from others is NOT yours to carry. We make the best decisions we can and sometimes life happens! Keep taking it day by day, moment by moment. Know that the treehouse community is here for you.
Yoga is the key to relaxation and wellbeing. I know you walk, dear friend, but add some yoga, and get back to me!! Love this new space, Rachel's Treehouse, for you.
Why did it make me cry to see your name here, my friend? Because I know joining Substack took a bit of effort on your part and you decided it was important enough to do it. You have been with me from the start of my writing and it feels so comforting to have you here. I have been thinking about trying a yoga session! I’m gonna do that this week for you (and I know I’ll probably love it!)
💜Love💜 This was just what I needed to help get beyond feeling “there’s something wrong with me for feeling this way”! The prompts will inspire good journaling today. Many thanks!
Oh yes! I have that thought sometimes too, and I try to very gently to remind myself I am human & allllll my feelings are valid and worthy of listening to. There is nothing wrong with us - our bodies are just trying to tell us we need some tending.
Both your words and Rachel's connected to my heart!
I have been in careGIVING mode for two years. I am a natural CAREGIVER and if I am honest the focus on everyone but me goes back a long while, but the last two years were HARD. You touched on stretching and I have been meaning to look into some somatic work to release my body so I can wrap-up the work to be done at my Dad's house and get back to living MY life with new focus on maintaining better balance of my own energy. If only I could just crawl up in this tree house until I am ready...
I love that this essay connected to a nudge you’ve been feeling to look into somatic work to release your body. It sounds like the load you’ve been carrying is heavy, friend. Please feel free to share what you discover. No rush. Take your time. I’ll be here.
Not giving tender care to ourselves is a condition we care-givers often suffer from, I call it a “condition of heart”. In this condition of heart our sight becomes skewed and slighted to our loved one’s struggle, our perspectives becomes narrowed and there is no place, no time, no energy for taking care of ourselves to be found.
Your grace- filled, gorgeous invitation helps us enlarge this perspective Rachel, it encourages us to SEE ourselves with needs that are worthy of filling fully. If we are able to stand outside the medical condition we are granted eyes that can take in the whole of the picture happening and that can help us in making choices with doctors, therapies, prescriptions and insurance.
We can make early am appointments because we are at our bestest in the morning to take in all the new information. Then in the afternoon go for a walk around the block to let the data sink in before making the Next decision.
Standing outside the medical condition shows us the truth of the story, there is room enough for my loved one’s care AND tending to myself. There is room enough to be kind and gentle with my loved one and my own sweet self as well.
This knowingness of taking tender care creates a capacity for all to have well-being in our human condition.
Sitting beside you Soul Sister.
These are words that can ONLY be written by someone who has been there. I am emotional reading your words because I feel 1) unalone and 2) understood.
I am saving these two passages to read over and over:
"If we are able to stand outside the medical condition we are granted eyes that can take in the whole of the picture happening and that can help us in making choices with doctors, therapies, prescriptions and insurance."
"We can make early am appointments because we are at our bestest in the morning to take in all the new information. Then in the afternoon go for a walk around the block to let the data sink in before making the Next decision."
My heart Rachel ❤️
Rachel,
At long last, I am FINALLY attending one of your retreats!! I just booked the Kripalu Soul-Shift experience and I am beyond excited! Finally giving myself permission to take care of ME amidst all the other things tugging at my time and my heart feels like a real turning point in my story. With grace and gratitude for you creating space for both nourishment and healing, I'm thrilled to be able to say... I'll meet you in the mountains, mama! Take care and be well!
Best,
Brandee El-Attar
This makes me cry happy tears of joy. I already sensed that this would be a VERY special group coming to Kripalu and now I KNOW it's a very, VERY special group. Oh friend. Thank you for the gift of your presence and your hand. What a glorious weekend awaits us!
I headed here for on another comment on another page, and was surprised to find this piece with such unexpected resonance. Thank you, and I really appreciated the lemon pudding moment.
I love this so much. Thank you for sharing this with me. Grateful for our connection.
As I was reading the beginning I wanted to acknowledge your caregiver role and how it impacts us, then when your friend mentioned it I was so grateful you know! You are so seen Rachel and we are all beside you. 💞❤️
This touched my heart, Gail. THANK YOU
Thank you for the journal prompts!
Appreciate the support of my publication. I just recommended yours. We both share the message of creating joy so hopefully more readers can find your content.
It is a gift to share in this meaningful endeavor with you. I look forward to reading more of your beautiful work.
Absolutely, likewise!!
How do you ALWAYS manage to write exactly what I need to hear??? I have been struggling with myself over the total miss of my son's diagnosis and how to deal with it. This is what I needed to hear. While I may not have been the best mom at the time, I can strive to be from now on. Thank you. Side note: the Irish Lemon Pudding sounds amazing. I am going to have to look that recipe up and try it for my family.
During these past few years, I have desperately wanted to be more on the receiving end of caring. It isn’t meant to be.
I love your question, how can we recover?
Idk. I’m sure it’s going to take a lot of kindness and self-compassion and boundaries. I love myself now and have realized that I must put my own self first as no one else will.
Last night, I went to bed at the same time as my little ones. I woke up at 6 am and rolled over and slept until it was time to wake the kids for school. This morning I took the car to the dealership and volunteered at my kids’ school. Then I came home and took a glorious 3 hour nap. I’m going to lean in for a bit and let my body relax and sleep. I cannot continue to take care of others at the expense of rest.
In February of 2022 my life flipped upside down with developing symptoms that brought me to be bed ridden for the summer of 2022. Since that point I have taken brave steps to move from the bed back into life, still on the journey. Most of my life I have been a giver, so to take care was a huge blessing and I am beyond grateful for all the people that have been by my side along the way. As I am transitioning back into life, there are many emotions and feelings that are arising for not only me, but my family as I begin the journey of who I deeply am. This has shown itself greatly in the first 10 days of 2024. Which led me to say I need to be selfish for a while longer to continue to connect with me. Not the me that "needs to be healed" the me that is here right now today. If I can learn to love and trust myself, by taking the time I need I Believe I can then develop deeper connections. I know selfish and connections don't seem to go together but I truly believe they do. I think more love for myself will develop more love, patience, and compassion for others because my energy will be used in the ways it has always been meant to be doing those things for myself first. My phrase has been "I am not the past, I am not the future, I am right here right now and I am love and I am loved." I can't go backwards and I can't move forwards but I can be in this moment. As always your post came on a day where I had all these ideas come together this morning! Here's to taking my first steps of listening to my inner voice!
I am choosing the give to myself by creating a space outside of our home in one of our rentals that isn't being rented as my creative space. A space just for me that allows me to have uninterrupted time to do what I want to do. Also, it has a view of a creek outside which just adds to the peace. 😁
Love this phrase! "I am not the past, I am not the future, I am right here right now and I am love and I am loved."