I have had an orange moment this afternoon. I went to bed with a hot water bottle and my reading book instead of working through the pile of work/ paperwork I had planned to do today. I gave myself that time at home instead of juggling chores and work.
I’m going to pick my children up from school now and we have a lovely 3 day weekend ahead of us. I feel so much more appreciation because I took some time for me today.
This is beautiful! 🧡🧡🧡 Isn’t it amazing how we feel when we give ourselves space to breathe and think and just BE?! I deeply appreciate your contribution! You’ve started us out well. May the list grow!
Taking in every word, dear Robin, and holding your story in loving hands. You are showing us what it looks like to advocate for ourselves… to ask for help… to see the beauty and humor even in the depths. I am grateful you protect yourself, which includes your mental health. You help me prioritize my own. You help me see so many of my “tender” places as my strengths. You confirm that I’m right where I’m supposed to be. I shall keel listening to the nudges on my heart when it comes to showing up, even when it means getting lost along the way. My heart always knows the way. Thank you for being such a part of it.
It is hard work to give ourselves what we need and to be that self cheerleader, saying: I am Enough. It is a continuous journey and we all have our tools, inspirations and practices to help us along the way. Good for you, for working with a therapist and doing the work. I remember reading this quote when I was around 20.
If you don't go within, you go without. I did not truly understand it until my mid 30s. We all have what we need inside of us, answers, support, love, etc. It is taking the time to learn and or relearn how to trust ourselves and love ourselves. Quieting our minds with meditation or whatever tools work for us to heal, grow and love ourselves is the journey and it does not end until our time is done here!!!! We sometimes have layers of hurt, trauma, pain that we need to peel off and heal. We think we have completely healed, time passes and another layer arises....and we work on the next layer, etc.
Rachel's writing is one of my inspirations for stopping, noticing and being present. Her Hands Free Mama book and blog helped me begin practicing being more aware of the importance of the little things 🤍 Keep on loving yourself, your healing helps not only you, but your family and the collective Earth we share.
“If you don't go within, you go without. I did not truly understand it until my mid 30s. We all have what we need inside of us, answers, support, love, etc. It is taking the time to learn and or relearn how to trust ourselves and love ourselves.”
This!!!! Thank you, Melissa! I shall not forget these guiding words.
My orange moment today was getting up early and going to water aerobics to move my body. I have struggled with getting back into the habit of moving since having back surgery in January. But today in spite of the gray skies and cool weather, I got up and went to the YMCA. Theses early morning classes & the women who participate are sweet people I have come to know over the past two months. It brought me so much joy to both prioritize moving my body & to catch up with those lovely ladies. As we caught up and shared the latest news in our lives - it felt so good to be seen & heard & our presence celebrated. Lifted my spirit & set a positive tone for the day!!
This makes me feel happier just reading this! Thank you for sharing that although it is hard to get back into the habit of going, you were hugely rewarded by doing it! I find the same is true when I don't feel like doing my stretching routine. I am so glad I did when I am finished. Thank you for taking time to contribute to the conversation. ❤️
I am giving myself an orange moment right now! I was so moved by some of Debby's comments in our Soul Shift class that I needed more time with them. I stepped outside onto a chair in the sun, and allowed myself to really be with them. To process how they were showing up for me. Allowing myself the time to give to myself this gift of new insights as well doing it while feeling the sun and listening to the birds! Oh Debby you have such an impact on so many! Thanks for being a gift to this community and world!
I love that you allowed the momentum to just take you right where you felt you needed to go to be nourished! How often we postpone these moments “until we get XYZ finished” and then the moment never comes! Thank you for this example and wonderful contribution! Oh and for taking a moment to encourage Debby too!!!!
Tears Cory you took the time to tell me how much my words mean to you. There are no words to tell you how much that means to me. Bi love being in this journey with you .
I am always in awe at the light and love that surrounds you. What a gift to have someone like Debby care for you! I'm grateful you have so many people who support and uplift you. Because with the work you do, it's vital to replenish your emotional and mental reserves.
"Orange Moments." Simple delights. Engaging the senses. Revitalizing the soul.
Orange is a happy color, a cheerful one. I think of sunrises and the blooms from my quince bushes and shades of desert sand in New Mexico. The first pumpkins of fall. My daughter's ombre painting.
I want more orange and orange moments in my life, Rachel. I try to seek them out each day. I do my best to unearth the tiny treasures of what uplifts me.
But I'm going to be honest here: my life is mostly putting out fires, moving from one crisis to another without reprieve. Today is another hard day for me. I've shuffled all five of my kids to and fro all week long, and my husband was supposed to be home from his business trip today.
He's not.
It's about the flight delays, of course. But here's what happens as a result: he's going to miss his daughter's kindergarten program. And now I have to figure out a way to run to Veronica's program, immediately return home for Sarah's quarterly case management meeting, then cut it short to pick up the rest of my kids at school.
I'm not sure I'll have an orange moment today. And the truth is, I don't have people like Debby in my life. I don't have cheerleaders or anyone who checks up on me or anyone who supports me so that I can do the work I (think) I am meant to do.
It's lonely when you're on an island trying to figure it all out by yourself.
I've been wondering this week: do we ever talk about the grief of motherhood? It's there. It's real. I think I will try to find a way to articulate it, at least from my perspective and experience, but I'm not sure what I write even makes that much of a mark on anyone anymore.
Thank you for the orange moments, Rachel. Thank you for the reminder that we can gladden someone heart today and we can find a way to nurture ourselves. And thank you for letting me say that I don't have a lot of orange, or any color, in my life right now.
I am holding space for you in this VERY hard moment. This is a LOT to manage today, my friend and I am so grateful you felt comfortable in sharing the honest truth... THIS is how connection forms... THIS is how belonging is felt. I am so sorry your husband is not going to be there for the special program and how his absence spreads you so there is barely any time to breathe. My hope is that at the kindergarten program you allow yourself to sink into that chair and marvel at the child you have raised and loved. I hope you notice the way your kindergartener sees you and how a breath of relief comes from that too. You are showing up, even though it is so very hard. Please know this long distance friend is holding you close in heart. You are cared for. You are loved.
I have been there, had those moments when I desperately needed someone to care for me, felt colorless like you so powerfully described. I also remember being at a writing retreat during a particulary low point in my life and for the first time, decided to write the truth about the intensity of my daily life as a caregiver to my husband and a mother to a challenging child. No sugarcoating...It felt like a powerful I no release.
I hadn't thought about that writing until I read your words right now. I applaud you for speaking (writing) your truth and hope that it helps something shift or helps someone else in this group feel less alone.
You also made me think of the older woman who handed me a smoothie I ordered yesterday saying "Here you are Hon.." The Smoothie was green, but it might as well have been orange for the way her calling me "Hon" made me feel.
I hope an "orange" gets handed to you when you least expect it and it makes you realize that you are cared for.
Claudia, your comment was an orange for me today. Made me smile.
I am a caregiver to a daughter with a rare craniofacial condition, who also has Apert syndrome. Caregiving is so taxing. It's helpful for me to hear that someone else gets that. I wish that weren't the case, but you're right - there's catharsis in writing, no-holds-barred, about what it's like.
I do that in my journal almost every day. I've been writing publicly about it for about ten years now, but it just feels like a long bout of aridity: not much in the way of connecting with other writers who view me as their peer, no publishing, very little speaking.
I guess the world in which we live makes it even harder for that to happen but I do have hope. I'm grateful you spoke these words to me today. Thank you. ❤️
Dear Jeannie, During this plateau in life involving emotional support know that you are not alone. Maybe in the near future, you will look back and realize that this time was for shedding old ways, past patterns, negative talk and maybe even people to make room for new and what you needed was to clear space to allow it to come in. You stated: "I want more orange and orange moments in my life, Rachel. I try to seek them out each day. I do my best to unearth the tiny treasures of what uplifts me." That right there is something to be proud of you....YOU ARE TRYING!!!! I remember making myself take 3 minutes of quiet in my car after dropping my kids off and not beat myself up for doing it. Starting small helped me build longer quiet times and making the choice that my needs are important too!
It is ok to ask for help, it is ok to take yourself on a date, it is ok to stop for a moment and be present..
Thank you for sharing and for your bravery to be vulnerable!!!!
Thank you, Melissa. You are so kind. I miss having more tenderness in my life. I guess maybe I never really had the amount I needed, since I'm a highly sensitive person and many HSPs feel like they are never enough, no matter how much love someone might offer them.
So what I'm exploring in therapy (a lot of my negative self talk originates from past trauma) is how to give myself what I need, how to love myself and nurture myself and not look outside of myself as often for that fulfillment. For some reason, this is hard for me, but I'm doing the work.
As you said, I'm trying.
It amazes me how many of us women, especially moms, have to go through this internal battle of stepping out of the guilt and into the freedom to do things we enjoy - the orange moments - instead of berating ourselves for it.
Thank you for that reminder and for your thoughtfulness in replying to me today.
Oh, Jeannie, this season of your life is so hard...especially if you have a husband who travels. I can't even begin to feel exactly what you feel as I only had 1 child. But I also did in home day care for about 25 years during which I sat through many carpool lines and dealt with many personalities....children and parents! Now I am retired since last June but life is still very busy. However, it is easier to find moments for myself. Just know that anyone reading your post will be sending care and understanding. We hear you. We appreciate another soul who is caring so much in the bringing up of the next generation. How uplifting that you were able to express yourself here without fear of judgement. May you be blessed with orange moments when you least expect them! We are cheering you on.
Cheryl, that is incredibly kind of you. This is such a tender-hearted community that Rachel has built, and I aspire for one, as well. It's a warmth I need more of in my very abrasive daily life.
Also, I think no matter how many kids you have, it's hard. But I have heard from others about these seasons. I've just been in a long drought, I guess, but I do believe in more temperate times ahead.
Jeannie I have a husband who has traveled with his work internationally for over 20 years. We had 3 children under 5 when he began. There’s such a deep reaching within to contain the frustration and disappoint their travel delays bring. I am sending you the biggest, softest wraparound hug I can letting you know you are seen. It is so hard AND meeting your needs and ways to nourish yourself are breath as you are living this very, busy season. Thank you for sharing the hard so you know you are not alone and we are here holding space for you to spill so more room is made for your joy and delight. I love how you bring up the grief in motherhood, there are shadow sides as well as light sides in this role. And if we were really real we would speak of the losses, the lack and we would illuminate the need to let go of what a good mother is and does. We are worthy of little wins like a drive thru dinner , all bathed and in bed while your husband travels that’s Rockstar status in my book. Be kind to yourself and ask for what you are needing you may be surprised by the support around you that we just never saw because we didn’t speak our truth. I’m glad you spoke your truth here, thank you Jeannie.
You know, reading your comment made me think about the memoir I'm working on. I'm writing about my journey to motherhood and how it has shaped me, but I include the shadows along with the light.
In fact, there have been fewer flickers of light than overcast shadows in my experience as a mom.
We have five kids, ages 4 to 13. All three of my daughters have diagnosed neurodiversities: OCD, ADD/ADHD, and autism. I suspect my older son has ADHD, as well. My autistic daughter is the one with a rare craniofacial condition and a dozen specialists. So motherhood has been a challenge, to say the least, for me.
What I've learned in speaking with other moms is that we all grapple with the guilt about what we've missed, failed at, done wrong. We wonder if our kids will turn out okay, and when/if they don't, we instantly blame ourselves. A lot of us enter motherhood with this expectation that we will love it, and when we don't love it we will pretend we do, because that's what "good" mothers do.
It's terrible that many of us have repressed the hardships of raising children, because we absorb cultural messages and even overt directives that tell us we should/shouldn't be feeling/doing this or that. So much judgment about how to raise children, about how to be a mom and what constitutes a "rockstar," as you say.
So I am writing about my personal wresting with motherhood in my book. I am hoping that it will resonate with many women.
Thank you for giving me that boost I needed today, Debby.
Oh Jeannie - your writing has made a huge mark on me right this moment - I too move from one 'crisis' to another without reprieve - especially highlighted for me this past week. I feel at times that I am not making a positive difference for anyone in my life as I try to do for everyone. I am not sure if you are also in Rachel's current Soul Shift session as I am once again, but if you are, perhaps you are in the same place as I am where I tried to be so present for these sessions for myself and the community - but this last week I have not been successful in my attempts as I was for the first week - and my orange moments are a full dreary gray color in most days.
And yet, I just was reminded of how much the grandchildren (and their parents) in my life really need me to just show up and be in the small moments of their lives - and they reward me with picked dandelions, wildflowers and weeds that they run to get and give to me with huge smiles on their beaming faces filled with love for me simply because I showed up in that moment.
Or they chatted with me through their tears about one of their deepest fears of being put to bed at their home by anyone other than their mom or dad - in spite of being overjoyed every time they sleep over my house. As I listened to her sharing of her fears, we chatted about why she feels that way based on one time when I wasn't available to watch her and her brother and in her young mind, it was a disastrous event simply because her other grandpa wouldn't let her call her mommy at bedtime. As I worked through that memory with her, I noticed that she started the telling of this secret with me by saying that 'because I wasn't available ...' - and I was available for her that night last week and she was able to move past that fear and read to me from her book after we talked - and I was staying with her until her dad came home that night. So I made a difference by being there that moment.
When we show up just to transport our children to and from their many destinations - and make their little lives matter no matter what else is going on in our life at the moment and regardless of whether we see the Orange in that effort we make - the children see the Orange simply because we are there when someone else is unable to be here to help us shuttle them to and fro.
Try to bask in the Orange glows your children feel - simply because you are there at that moment. You are truly doing your very best to fulfill all of their needs on your own because your husband's flight is delayed - and your children will feel your love and support simply because you are here with them.
I will read your writings whenever they show up here in my inbox - and I will cheer you on from wherever I am - you writing this is my Orange moment today because your writing reminded me of the fact that I helped two children feel loved and seen and supported this past week, even though I didn't see the Orange colors until right now.
You are my Orange moment today - and your children see Orange (or their favorite colors of the day) whenever you simply show up - please believe you have made a huge difference for them. And once your husband arrives back home, hopefully he will share in the wonder of being present for one moment in each of their lives and yours - and you will get a reprieve no matter how short it may be - and you will see a setting sun's brilliant colors as it goes over the horizon, and you will relish in that moment as you replenish your own soul.
What an incredibly thoughtful and powerful response, Rita.
Your perspective is so helpful. I guess I struggle with finding the orange through my kids, because most have diagnosed anxiety and my oldest has OCD and depression. So the orange for them is sometimes muddled, as it is for me.
What helps me the most is nature. I can find small increments of joy when I step outside on a sunny day Ave just look up at the clouds like I did as a child. To notice the flowers in bloom in our yard, or the first painted lady butterfly of the season. To smell our neighbor's freshly mown grass and inhale its sweet scent.
These are my orange moments, but they are so fleeting that they slip through my fingers. Nothing ever stays, of course. It's hard for me to keep up with the rapid pace of the world. I just need more time - to savor, to dream, to close my eyes, to feel my breath and heartbeat.
So I snatch what I call stolen moments and borrowed time. It's all I have.
But your comment is an orange moment for me now, because it reminds me of the love that exists in the world, even among strangers traveling along the same road.
With rain threatening, I decided to cancel my morning classes. I didn’t listen to the voice in my head that said I was being a wimp. Instead, I sat with the fact that having had a very emotionally challenging call yesterday with my 18-year-old, I was feeling tender and needing some restorative time.
I love how you are listening to the parts of yourself that need tending. You are so wonderful at showing up for others... I love that you are expanding that love to yourself.
My orange moment is being here, in this moment and seeing the ripple effects of reaching out to Rachel. How you love so kindly shared my words to you and how the orange moment is a way in which we as a community can love on ourselves. I love how this act of love is loosening what others are holding, the stories we are full of and allowing them space so they can be spilled. Spilled so that more room for joy, delight and love can be made because we are worthy of all the wonderful. We do this Together, we are the way for one another. Wishing US juicy, orange moments.
My students noticed me making "silly thinking" mistakes on Friday. My son noticed me doing it today. My head wants to slow down.
So on this beautiful Sunday afternoon I have been for a walk. I have a cup of tea and a small sweet treat to go with it. I am only looking at things that fill me, relax me, recharge me.
Rachel's blog was in my email, and it's always a good place to find stillness. The act of thinking through what I need right now is just the stillness I most need.
I am consciously rejecting guilt, because that is not the best use of my thinking energy.
Later I will give myself an hour to map out my week, so that if I start feeling the strain again I can "just follow along" for a bit.
Meanwhile I shall see if just being still will let the peace and rest I need catch up with me.
My orange moment this weekend was trying a recipe I’ve wanted to try for a while now, but my days have been too busy to bake lately. So this weekend I actually put “Mary Baking Time” 11-1 on the calendar - giving it its own spot there instead of just saying…oh I’ll bake when the calendar is free.
Turned out to be one of the best bundts I’ve made, lemon blueberry with a lemon drizzle glaze…amazing!
I have just ended a 25 year career as it is making me unwell, I have been so unhappy trying to keep up with it all and pretend to be ok in situations where I am not ok. I finished up on Tuesday. Since then I have been in full panic mode, trying to clean the house and take the kids here there and everywhere, like I’m trying to justify my existence now that I am unemployed? I feel the knot in my stomach is bigger than ever. I have been doing yoga but it’s not shifting. I thought about an orange moment and what that could be for me. I have this little Etsy shop that I set up in lockdown. I paint glass and make little dishes out of shells. I looked around in my living room and I realised that while I sell really pretty painted coasters in this shop, my own home is scattered with old mismatching coasters from years ago. I will try this weekend to design and paint some coasters which are for me. I know I’m going to be tempted to go and clean something but I’ll try to sit and paint and maybe listen to a podcast. It’s raining here in Scotland and I would dearly love to sit outside. Maybe I can design something around flowers, bright happy colours that I’ll enjoy painting. Thank you Rachel. Your email stopped me in my tracks this morning while I was writing yet another punishing to do list….I’ll rethink the weekend. Xx
The awareness you describe of what you are struggling with internally now that you have retired is very valuable! This is a tremendous first step to being able to reclaim a sense of peace and worthiness without having it tied to a job. Thank you for being so generous with what you are working through! It’s so helpful to read and relate to. Will you keep us posted on the coaster project you planned to do this weekend? I’d love to hear about how that felt for you.
I love, love, love that you are creating pieces just for you. You have inspired me to display a heart painting I created last year and hid away in a cupboard, unsure of who to gift it to because if I am honest, deep down I feel it is "not good enough".
Great job stopping that punishing to do list and doing what you need to do for yourself 🧡 Proud to read that you left a career that you know was crushing you. I am sure it is a crazy time for you to adjust, know in your hearts of hearts....everything is going to be taken care of.
Thank you! I think it really will work out, I just felt it really was the right thing to do! I’m so glad you took your painting out of the cupboard…. I’m sure it will bring a lot of joy to someone, or even just to you! 💕💕
I had a co worker tell me that she has learned a lot from me this school year. She shared that the way I talk & interact with my student inspires her to think before she speaks and reword statements in a more positive way. We work one on one with special needs students and there have been many trying days for me this year. It felt good to hear because at times you wonder if you really are making a positive impact. I also came home today, had a great conversation with my husband and changed into comfy clothes! Thanks for the opportunity to share and connect.
I will be attending a Mindfulness Triathlon on the 11th and will miss another zoom meet at your tree house. Sending positivity, support, encouragement and hugs.
This is so beautiful. We can GIVE each other orange moments, can’t we? I love that you were affirmed by your colleague and how that impacted you.
I’m intrigued by the mindfulness triathlon terminology!!! I am going to look into that! I’ll miss you in the treehouse but I’ll smile knowing what you are doing at that time!!!
The Mindfulness Triathalon is an event a local yoga studio is offering. A mindful walk or run, yoga in a park and group meditation with singing bowls. This is the 2nd year of this event, my 1st time attending...I am really looking forward to it 😊
It’s really the small things, isn’t it? I had two orange moments today: one was the phone chat I scheduled with a far-away friend (unusual and it took some self-prompting to reach out to her in the first place) and the other was getting out early for my walk (so unusual that I surprised myself) to make time for the call.
My orange moment is actually right now just the decision and the actual act will happen when I get back from two back to back trips (one professional and one personal). I have decided to give myself a challenge on my journey to a higher version of me (hmm, I think I am working on Lara 8.0 now). I will be committing to the practice of Aikido with the goal of obtaining a black belt before I retire. I have been testing out the waters and the two times I have not gone to a lesson for outside reasons I have been conscious that I was missing going. So when I get back I will buy the gi and pay the year fee for the dojo. Aikido is helping me mentally and physically. It nourishes my need for physical movement and a calmer and less fearful mind.
My orange moment came yesterday when I allowed myself to lay down onto that deckchair under a figtree, and breathe and just be while letting those painful muscles and bones in my shoulder relax. I so love lying under trees or in the grass and look upward to the sky through them but do it rarely, although caring for myself fills me with warmth, love, and joy, and gives me a sense of powerfulness. To more orange moments 🍊🍊🍊!
I have had an orange moment this afternoon. I went to bed with a hot water bottle and my reading book instead of working through the pile of work/ paperwork I had planned to do today. I gave myself that time at home instead of juggling chores and work.
I’m going to pick my children up from school now and we have a lovely 3 day weekend ahead of us. I feel so much more appreciation because I took some time for me today.
This is beautiful! 🧡🧡🧡 Isn’t it amazing how we feel when we give ourselves space to breathe and think and just BE?! I deeply appreciate your contribution! You’ve started us out well. May the list grow!
Nicci so grateful you saw yourself worthy of your own tender care.
Taking in every word, dear Robin, and holding your story in loving hands. You are showing us what it looks like to advocate for ourselves… to ask for help… to see the beauty and humor even in the depths. I am grateful you protect yourself, which includes your mental health. You help me prioritize my own. You help me see so many of my “tender” places as my strengths. You confirm that I’m right where I’m supposed to be. I shall keel listening to the nudges on my heart when it comes to showing up, even when it means getting lost along the way. My heart always knows the way. Thank you for being such a part of it.
It is hard work to give ourselves what we need and to be that self cheerleader, saying: I am Enough. It is a continuous journey and we all have our tools, inspirations and practices to help us along the way. Good for you, for working with a therapist and doing the work. I remember reading this quote when I was around 20.
If you don't go within, you go without. I did not truly understand it until my mid 30s. We all have what we need inside of us, answers, support, love, etc. It is taking the time to learn and or relearn how to trust ourselves and love ourselves. Quieting our minds with meditation or whatever tools work for us to heal, grow and love ourselves is the journey and it does not end until our time is done here!!!! We sometimes have layers of hurt, trauma, pain that we need to peel off and heal. We think we have completely healed, time passes and another layer arises....and we work on the next layer, etc.
Rachel's writing is one of my inspirations for stopping, noticing and being present. Her Hands Free Mama book and blog helped me begin practicing being more aware of the importance of the little things 🤍 Keep on loving yourself, your healing helps not only you, but your family and the collective Earth we share.
“If you don't go within, you go without. I did not truly understand it until my mid 30s. We all have what we need inside of us, answers, support, love, etc. It is taking the time to learn and or relearn how to trust ourselves and love ourselves.”
This!!!! Thank you, Melissa! I shall not forget these guiding words.
I love your quote, writing it down now. We really are like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz carrying what we need within.
My orange moment today was getting up early and going to water aerobics to move my body. I have struggled with getting back into the habit of moving since having back surgery in January. But today in spite of the gray skies and cool weather, I got up and went to the YMCA. Theses early morning classes & the women who participate are sweet people I have come to know over the past two months. It brought me so much joy to both prioritize moving my body & to catch up with those lovely ladies. As we caught up and shared the latest news in our lives - it felt so good to be seen & heard & our presence celebrated. Lifted my spirit & set a positive tone for the day!!
This makes me feel happier just reading this! Thank you for sharing that although it is hard to get back into the habit of going, you were hugely rewarded by doing it! I find the same is true when I don't feel like doing my stretching routine. I am so glad I did when I am finished. Thank you for taking time to contribute to the conversation. ❤️
Rachel” prioritizing moving my body” is such a lovely way to live in yourself and sharing that time with others is pure gift. I am “ in joy “ with you
I am giving myself an orange moment right now! I was so moved by some of Debby's comments in our Soul Shift class that I needed more time with them. I stepped outside onto a chair in the sun, and allowed myself to really be with them. To process how they were showing up for me. Allowing myself the time to give to myself this gift of new insights as well doing it while feeling the sun and listening to the birds! Oh Debby you have such an impact on so many! Thanks for being a gift to this community and world!
I love that you allowed the momentum to just take you right where you felt you needed to go to be nourished! How often we postpone these moments “until we get XYZ finished” and then the moment never comes! Thank you for this example and wonderful contribution! Oh and for taking a moment to encourage Debby too!!!!
Tears Cory you took the time to tell me how much my words mean to you. There are no words to tell you how much that means to me. Bi love being in this journey with you .
Ditto!! 🙏🥰❤️💗
Rachel,
I am always in awe at the light and love that surrounds you. What a gift to have someone like Debby care for you! I'm grateful you have so many people who support and uplift you. Because with the work you do, it's vital to replenish your emotional and mental reserves.
"Orange Moments." Simple delights. Engaging the senses. Revitalizing the soul.
Orange is a happy color, a cheerful one. I think of sunrises and the blooms from my quince bushes and shades of desert sand in New Mexico. The first pumpkins of fall. My daughter's ombre painting.
I want more orange and orange moments in my life, Rachel. I try to seek them out each day. I do my best to unearth the tiny treasures of what uplifts me.
But I'm going to be honest here: my life is mostly putting out fires, moving from one crisis to another without reprieve. Today is another hard day for me. I've shuffled all five of my kids to and fro all week long, and my husband was supposed to be home from his business trip today.
He's not.
It's about the flight delays, of course. But here's what happens as a result: he's going to miss his daughter's kindergarten program. And now I have to figure out a way to run to Veronica's program, immediately return home for Sarah's quarterly case management meeting, then cut it short to pick up the rest of my kids at school.
I'm not sure I'll have an orange moment today. And the truth is, I don't have people like Debby in my life. I don't have cheerleaders or anyone who checks up on me or anyone who supports me so that I can do the work I (think) I am meant to do.
It's lonely when you're on an island trying to figure it all out by yourself.
I've been wondering this week: do we ever talk about the grief of motherhood? It's there. It's real. I think I will try to find a way to articulate it, at least from my perspective and experience, but I'm not sure what I write even makes that much of a mark on anyone anymore.
Thank you for the orange moments, Rachel. Thank you for the reminder that we can gladden someone heart today and we can find a way to nurture ourselves. And thank you for letting me say that I don't have a lot of orange, or any color, in my life right now.
I am holding space for you in this VERY hard moment. This is a LOT to manage today, my friend and I am so grateful you felt comfortable in sharing the honest truth... THIS is how connection forms... THIS is how belonging is felt. I am so sorry your husband is not going to be there for the special program and how his absence spreads you so there is barely any time to breathe. My hope is that at the kindergarten program you allow yourself to sink into that chair and marvel at the child you have raised and loved. I hope you notice the way your kindergartener sees you and how a breath of relief comes from that too. You are showing up, even though it is so very hard. Please know this long distance friend is holding you close in heart. You are cared for. You are loved.
Thanks, Rachel. That means a lot.
Oh dear Jeannie,
I have been there, had those moments when I desperately needed someone to care for me, felt colorless like you so powerfully described. I also remember being at a writing retreat during a particulary low point in my life and for the first time, decided to write the truth about the intensity of my daily life as a caregiver to my husband and a mother to a challenging child. No sugarcoating...It felt like a powerful I no release.
I hadn't thought about that writing until I read your words right now. I applaud you for speaking (writing) your truth and hope that it helps something shift or helps someone else in this group feel less alone.
You also made me think of the older woman who handed me a smoothie I ordered yesterday saying "Here you are Hon.." The Smoothie was green, but it might as well have been orange for the way her calling me "Hon" made me feel.
I hope an "orange" gets handed to you when you least expect it and it makes you realize that you are cared for.
Love to you, Claudia
This encouragement to Jeannie is so heartfelt and I believe we ALL benefit from reading it. You are so dear!!!
Claudia, your comment was an orange for me today. Made me smile.
I am a caregiver to a daughter with a rare craniofacial condition, who also has Apert syndrome. Caregiving is so taxing. It's helpful for me to hear that someone else gets that. I wish that weren't the case, but you're right - there's catharsis in writing, no-holds-barred, about what it's like.
I do that in my journal almost every day. I've been writing publicly about it for about ten years now, but it just feels like a long bout of aridity: not much in the way of connecting with other writers who view me as their peer, no publishing, very little speaking.
I guess the world in which we live makes it even harder for that to happen but I do have hope. I'm grateful you spoke these words to me today. Thank you. ❤️
Claudia most days I am writing myself through too.
Dear Jeannie, During this plateau in life involving emotional support know that you are not alone. Maybe in the near future, you will look back and realize that this time was for shedding old ways, past patterns, negative talk and maybe even people to make room for new and what you needed was to clear space to allow it to come in. You stated: "I want more orange and orange moments in my life, Rachel. I try to seek them out each day. I do my best to unearth the tiny treasures of what uplifts me." That right there is something to be proud of you....YOU ARE TRYING!!!! I remember making myself take 3 minutes of quiet in my car after dropping my kids off and not beat myself up for doing it. Starting small helped me build longer quiet times and making the choice that my needs are important too!
It is ok to ask for help, it is ok to take yourself on a date, it is ok to stop for a moment and be present..
Thank you for sharing and for your bravery to be vulnerable!!!!
You Matter
Thank you, Melissa. You are so kind. I miss having more tenderness in my life. I guess maybe I never really had the amount I needed, since I'm a highly sensitive person and many HSPs feel like they are never enough, no matter how much love someone might offer them.
So what I'm exploring in therapy (a lot of my negative self talk originates from past trauma) is how to give myself what I need, how to love myself and nurture myself and not look outside of myself as often for that fulfillment. For some reason, this is hard for me, but I'm doing the work.
As you said, I'm trying.
It amazes me how many of us women, especially moms, have to go through this internal battle of stepping out of the guilt and into the freedom to do things we enjoy - the orange moments - instead of berating ourselves for it.
Thank you for that reminder and for your thoughtfulness in replying to me today.
Oh, Jeannie, this season of your life is so hard...especially if you have a husband who travels. I can't even begin to feel exactly what you feel as I only had 1 child. But I also did in home day care for about 25 years during which I sat through many carpool lines and dealt with many personalities....children and parents! Now I am retired since last June but life is still very busy. However, it is easier to find moments for myself. Just know that anyone reading your post will be sending care and understanding. We hear you. We appreciate another soul who is caring so much in the bringing up of the next generation. How uplifting that you were able to express yourself here without fear of judgement. May you be blessed with orange moments when you least expect them! We are cheering you on.
Cheryl, that is incredibly kind of you. This is such a tender-hearted community that Rachel has built, and I aspire for one, as well. It's a warmth I need more of in my very abrasive daily life.
Also, I think no matter how many kids you have, it's hard. But I have heard from others about these seasons. I've just been in a long drought, I guess, but I do believe in more temperate times ahead.
Jeannie I have a husband who has traveled with his work internationally for over 20 years. We had 3 children under 5 when he began. There’s such a deep reaching within to contain the frustration and disappoint their travel delays bring. I am sending you the biggest, softest wraparound hug I can letting you know you are seen. It is so hard AND meeting your needs and ways to nourish yourself are breath as you are living this very, busy season. Thank you for sharing the hard so you know you are not alone and we are here holding space for you to spill so more room is made for your joy and delight. I love how you bring up the grief in motherhood, there are shadow sides as well as light sides in this role. And if we were really real we would speak of the losses, the lack and we would illuminate the need to let go of what a good mother is and does. We are worthy of little wins like a drive thru dinner , all bathed and in bed while your husband travels that’s Rockstar status in my book. Be kind to yourself and ask for what you are needing you may be surprised by the support around you that we just never saw because we didn’t speak our truth. I’m glad you spoke your truth here, thank you Jeannie.
That's powerful, Debby.
You know, reading your comment made me think about the memoir I'm working on. I'm writing about my journey to motherhood and how it has shaped me, but I include the shadows along with the light.
In fact, there have been fewer flickers of light than overcast shadows in my experience as a mom.
We have five kids, ages 4 to 13. All three of my daughters have diagnosed neurodiversities: OCD, ADD/ADHD, and autism. I suspect my older son has ADHD, as well. My autistic daughter is the one with a rare craniofacial condition and a dozen specialists. So motherhood has been a challenge, to say the least, for me.
What I've learned in speaking with other moms is that we all grapple with the guilt about what we've missed, failed at, done wrong. We wonder if our kids will turn out okay, and when/if they don't, we instantly blame ourselves. A lot of us enter motherhood with this expectation that we will love it, and when we don't love it we will pretend we do, because that's what "good" mothers do.
It's terrible that many of us have repressed the hardships of raising children, because we absorb cultural messages and even overt directives that tell us we should/shouldn't be feeling/doing this or that. So much judgment about how to raise children, about how to be a mom and what constitutes a "rockstar," as you say.
So I am writing about my personal wresting with motherhood in my book. I am hoping that it will resonate with many women.
Thank you for giving me that boost I needed today, Debby.
Oh Jeannie - your writing has made a huge mark on me right this moment - I too move from one 'crisis' to another without reprieve - especially highlighted for me this past week. I feel at times that I am not making a positive difference for anyone in my life as I try to do for everyone. I am not sure if you are also in Rachel's current Soul Shift session as I am once again, but if you are, perhaps you are in the same place as I am where I tried to be so present for these sessions for myself and the community - but this last week I have not been successful in my attempts as I was for the first week - and my orange moments are a full dreary gray color in most days.
And yet, I just was reminded of how much the grandchildren (and their parents) in my life really need me to just show up and be in the small moments of their lives - and they reward me with picked dandelions, wildflowers and weeds that they run to get and give to me with huge smiles on their beaming faces filled with love for me simply because I showed up in that moment.
Or they chatted with me through their tears about one of their deepest fears of being put to bed at their home by anyone other than their mom or dad - in spite of being overjoyed every time they sleep over my house. As I listened to her sharing of her fears, we chatted about why she feels that way based on one time when I wasn't available to watch her and her brother and in her young mind, it was a disastrous event simply because her other grandpa wouldn't let her call her mommy at bedtime. As I worked through that memory with her, I noticed that she started the telling of this secret with me by saying that 'because I wasn't available ...' - and I was available for her that night last week and she was able to move past that fear and read to me from her book after we talked - and I was staying with her until her dad came home that night. So I made a difference by being there that moment.
When we show up just to transport our children to and from their many destinations - and make their little lives matter no matter what else is going on in our life at the moment and regardless of whether we see the Orange in that effort we make - the children see the Orange simply because we are there when someone else is unable to be here to help us shuttle them to and fro.
Try to bask in the Orange glows your children feel - simply because you are there at that moment. You are truly doing your very best to fulfill all of their needs on your own because your husband's flight is delayed - and your children will feel your love and support simply because you are here with them.
I will read your writings whenever they show up here in my inbox - and I will cheer you on from wherever I am - you writing this is my Orange moment today because your writing reminded me of the fact that I helped two children feel loved and seen and supported this past week, even though I didn't see the Orange colors until right now.
You are my Orange moment today - and your children see Orange (or their favorite colors of the day) whenever you simply show up - please believe you have made a huge difference for them. And once your husband arrives back home, hopefully he will share in the wonder of being present for one moment in each of their lives and yours - and you will get a reprieve no matter how short it may be - and you will see a setting sun's brilliant colors as it goes over the horizon, and you will relish in that moment as you replenish your own soul.
My hand in yours,
Rita
What an incredibly thoughtful and powerful response, Rita.
Your perspective is so helpful. I guess I struggle with finding the orange through my kids, because most have diagnosed anxiety and my oldest has OCD and depression. So the orange for them is sometimes muddled, as it is for me.
What helps me the most is nature. I can find small increments of joy when I step outside on a sunny day Ave just look up at the clouds like I did as a child. To notice the flowers in bloom in our yard, or the first painted lady butterfly of the season. To smell our neighbor's freshly mown grass and inhale its sweet scent.
These are my orange moments, but they are so fleeting that they slip through my fingers. Nothing ever stays, of course. It's hard for me to keep up with the rapid pace of the world. I just need more time - to savor, to dream, to close my eyes, to feel my breath and heartbeat.
So I snatch what I call stolen moments and borrowed time. It's all I have.
But your comment is an orange moment for me now, because it reminds me of the love that exists in the world, even among strangers traveling along the same road.
I am glad we are traveling companions, Rita. ❤️
I meant every word - and I truly am glad we are traveling companions as well
With rain threatening, I decided to cancel my morning classes. I didn’t listen to the voice in my head that said I was being a wimp. Instead, I sat with the fact that having had a very emotionally challenging call yesterday with my 18-year-old, I was feeling tender and needing some restorative time.
I love how you are listening to the parts of yourself that need tending. You are so wonderful at showing up for others... I love that you are expanding that love to yourself.
My orange moment is being here, in this moment and seeing the ripple effects of reaching out to Rachel. How you love so kindly shared my words to you and how the orange moment is a way in which we as a community can love on ourselves. I love how this act of love is loosening what others are holding, the stories we are full of and allowing them space so they can be spilled. Spilled so that more room for joy, delight and love can be made because we are worthy of all the wonderful. We do this Together, we are the way for one another. Wishing US juicy, orange moments.
You are the glue of compassion, love, and relatable-ness that holds us together.
I'm in need of rest.
My students noticed me making "silly thinking" mistakes on Friday. My son noticed me doing it today. My head wants to slow down.
So on this beautiful Sunday afternoon I have been for a walk. I have a cup of tea and a small sweet treat to go with it. I am only looking at things that fill me, relax me, recharge me.
Rachel's blog was in my email, and it's always a good place to find stillness. The act of thinking through what I need right now is just the stillness I most need.
I am consciously rejecting guilt, because that is not the best use of my thinking energy.
Later I will give myself an hour to map out my week, so that if I start feeling the strain again I can "just follow along" for a bit.
Meanwhile I shall see if just being still will let the peace and rest I need catch up with me.
This is so lovely, Amanda. I felt a peaceful stillness settle over me as I read your reflection. Thank you for being here.
My orange moment this weekend was trying a recipe I’ve wanted to try for a while now, but my days have been too busy to bake lately. So this weekend I actually put “Mary Baking Time” 11-1 on the calendar - giving it its own spot there instead of just saying…oh I’ll bake when the calendar is free.
Turned out to be one of the best bundts I’ve made, lemon blueberry with a lemon drizzle glaze…amazing!
I love the idea of using the calendar that way. And that bundt cake sounds absolutely amazing!!
YES!! Putting baking time ON THE CALENDAR!!! Brilliant, my friend. Oh and I saw a photo of that cake in Soul Shift and I was drooling!!!
I have just ended a 25 year career as it is making me unwell, I have been so unhappy trying to keep up with it all and pretend to be ok in situations where I am not ok. I finished up on Tuesday. Since then I have been in full panic mode, trying to clean the house and take the kids here there and everywhere, like I’m trying to justify my existence now that I am unemployed? I feel the knot in my stomach is bigger than ever. I have been doing yoga but it’s not shifting. I thought about an orange moment and what that could be for me. I have this little Etsy shop that I set up in lockdown. I paint glass and make little dishes out of shells. I looked around in my living room and I realised that while I sell really pretty painted coasters in this shop, my own home is scattered with old mismatching coasters from years ago. I will try this weekend to design and paint some coasters which are for me. I know I’m going to be tempted to go and clean something but I’ll try to sit and paint and maybe listen to a podcast. It’s raining here in Scotland and I would dearly love to sit outside. Maybe I can design something around flowers, bright happy colours that I’ll enjoy painting. Thank you Rachel. Your email stopped me in my tracks this morning while I was writing yet another punishing to do list….I’ll rethink the weekend. Xx
The awareness you describe of what you are struggling with internally now that you have retired is very valuable! This is a tremendous first step to being able to reclaim a sense of peace and worthiness without having it tied to a job. Thank you for being so generous with what you are working through! It’s so helpful to read and relate to. Will you keep us posted on the coaster project you planned to do this weekend? I’d love to hear about how that felt for you.
I love, love, love that you are creating pieces just for you. You have inspired me to display a heart painting I created last year and hid away in a cupboard, unsure of who to gift it to because if I am honest, deep down I feel it is "not good enough".
Great job stopping that punishing to do list and doing what you need to do for yourself 🧡 Proud to read that you left a career that you know was crushing you. I am sure it is a crazy time for you to adjust, know in your hearts of hearts....everything is going to be taken care of.
Thank you! I think it really will work out, I just felt it really was the right thing to do! I’m so glad you took your painting out of the cupboard…. I’m sure it will bring a lot of joy to someone, or even just to you! 💕💕
What a wonderful gift Debby gave you and then in turn you gifted to someone else?
The compounding effects of truly nourishing and taking care of ourselves can not be underestimated. 💕
So beautifully said, Mika! Thank you for taking time to read and comment. I’m grateful
An orange moment for me was:
I had a co worker tell me that she has learned a lot from me this school year. She shared that the way I talk & interact with my student inspires her to think before she speaks and reword statements in a more positive way. We work one on one with special needs students and there have been many trying days for me this year. It felt good to hear because at times you wonder if you really are making a positive impact. I also came home today, had a great conversation with my husband and changed into comfy clothes! Thanks for the opportunity to share and connect.
I will be attending a Mindfulness Triathlon on the 11th and will miss another zoom meet at your tree house. Sending positivity, support, encouragement and hugs.
This is so beautiful. We can GIVE each other orange moments, can’t we? I love that you were affirmed by your colleague and how that impacted you.
I’m intrigued by the mindfulness triathlon terminology!!! I am going to look into that! I’ll miss you in the treehouse but I’ll smile knowing what you are doing at that time!!!
The Mindfulness Triathalon is an event a local yoga studio is offering. A mindful walk or run, yoga in a park and group meditation with singing bowls. This is the 2nd year of this event, my 1st time attending...I am really looking forward to it 😊
It’s really the small things, isn’t it? I had two orange moments today: one was the phone chat I scheduled with a far-away friend (unusual and it took some self-prompting to reach out to her in the first place) and the other was getting out early for my walk (so unusual that I surprised myself) to make time for the call.
These are such important - yet doable - orange moments that any of us could take! I deeply appreciate you sharing and inspiring!
My orange moment is actually right now just the decision and the actual act will happen when I get back from two back to back trips (one professional and one personal). I have decided to give myself a challenge on my journey to a higher version of me (hmm, I think I am working on Lara 8.0 now). I will be committing to the practice of Aikido with the goal of obtaining a black belt before I retire. I have been testing out the waters and the two times I have not gone to a lesson for outside reasons I have been conscious that I was missing going. So when I get back I will buy the gi and pay the year fee for the dojo. Aikido is helping me mentally and physically. It nourishes my need for physical movement and a calmer and less fearful mind.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful endeavor and how it is beneficial your wellness. I feel so inspired by reading this! Please keep us posted!!
Thank you, Rachel for this heart-warming story.
My orange moment came yesterday when I allowed myself to lay down onto that deckchair under a figtree, and breathe and just be while letting those painful muscles and bones in my shoulder relax. I so love lying under trees or in the grass and look upward to the sky through them but do it rarely, although caring for myself fills me with warmth, love, and joy, and gives me a sense of powerfulness. To more orange moments 🍊🍊🍊!
Awww… I feel my nervous system steady as I read the loving action you took.