The Truth That Eased My Parental Pain and Blame

and the billboard-size confirmation from kids that everyone needs to see

Yesterday I let my feet guide me on a walk after a doctor’s appointment.

I crossed a busy street and found myself standing on the bridge of a local nature park. I looked down to see the overgrown shoreline where my daughters and I used to play in the creek.

I hadn’t been able to bring myself here in years.

It’s been difficult to look at anything that reminds me of times when my younger daughter’s innocence and light were still securely intact.

Avery and Rachel in 2015

Something bad happened in the Summer of 2021, and the tail of the aftermath was long and twisted and took on a life of its own.

During that time, I could not look at BEFORE photos of her bright, younger self. I could not set foot in BEFORE places where she once ran free and full of trust.

The pain ran so deep that I could only see what had been taken and what would never be the same again.

But now, after much soul-shifting, healing inner work, I am able to see her strong, courageous parts born from an adverse experience that she fought hard to recover from (and continues to).

I see her now – not as a victim, but as a survivor – a young person who is learning everything she can about trauma, injustice, and inclusion as they relate to the medical field.

I was reminded of my daughter’s strength last week when I stumbled across an extraordinary outdoor art exhibit while visiting my parents in Florida.

Embracing Our Differences is a nonprofit organization that uses the power of art to celebrate and promote our common humanity. Since 2004, students from all over the world have been invited to be part of this change by submitting visual art and creative writing to be showcased on colorful, tarp-like billboards around Sarasota’s Bayfront Park.

For the 2024 exhibit, there were 16,604 entries from 584 schools around the world. Many of the concepts illustrated were not for the faint of heart.

I paused at each banner, revering it as a sacred offering – a glimpse into pain that had been transformed into purpose. I knew full well these young artists could not create such works without knowing pain and rejection intimately.

Suddenly, tears began to flow as I stood there taking in each student’s perspective. In vibrant color and unique artistry, I saw confirmation of a truth that had helped me move forward upon fully realizing the harm that had befallen my child:

There are so many harmful influences outside a parent’s control. To blame ourselves for something bad that happens to our child is futile. It is far more helpful and healing to focus our energy on how do we recover from this?

For so many students, this art initiative provided a healthy outlet in which to express their pain and struggle, and with 4 million+ people having viewed the art since 2004, the impact it has had on the world is immeasurable.

I thought about the adults who loved these young artists when they felt unworthy, left out, disgusting, sad, broken. Although the supporters’ names were not listed, I knew they played a profound part in the creation of this extraordinary art.

Let’s not forget the ones who stayed present in the pain, I thought.

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During one of the many trips to the local park when my girls were little, my sister captured this picture of my daughters and me. I look at it now and I see:

Presence
Peace
Stability
Acceptance
Love

I will not let the pain of what happen cause me to forget I was this BEFORE, DURING, and AFTER the traumatic event that altered my child’s life.

I will not let the pain stop me from seeing her newfound strengths that could fill up a billboard and will undoubtedly bring healing to the world.

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Dear ones, are there times you stayed present in the pain of a suffering loved one? I ask you to celebrate this significant act of love that is often overlooked. Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments. We can learn so much from each other. ❤️

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AN INVITATION: My friends, the soul-shifting work I’ve done for myself over the past five years gave me a stable foundation on which to support my child though this difficult time. Hour by hour, day by day, month by month, I was present through her pain. I listened to hard-to-hear details and things I didn’t understand. I asked awkward questions and was clear and direct with limits. I looked beneath behavior to see the painful root. And every chance I got, I reminded my child of her inherent worth and her ability to overcome hard things. I was able to do this because I have learned to do this for myself. It is my joy to share this step-by-step process with you this spring through a streamlined, 6-week version of my popular Soul Shift course.

To give you a taste of what you might expect, I invite you to join me tonight, April 10th at 8pm Eastern for a FREE soulspace gathering. After walking through a healing exercise, I’ll answer any questions you have about the Soul Shift practice or about the upcoming course. The discounted early-bird price for the spring course ends tonight! Register here.

Click here to access the Zoom link you’ll need to join the live teaching at 8pm Eastern. The presence of my treehouse community members is deeply appreciated and cherished. 🐞❤️🌳