Dear Rachel: My kids want to revisit my parenting mistakes. Help?

a gentle guide to repair, re-parenting, and growing alongside our kids

Dear Rachel: I made some parenting mistakes I deeply regret. Lately, my young adult children have wanted to talk about it, and it’s bringing up a lot of feelings for me. I know I am not handling it well. Do you have any advice?

Photo by Federico Lancellotti on Unsplash

Thank you for asking this important, vulnerable question. I see tremendous courage in it. Let me tell you why…

First, you acknowledge you made mistakes. Second, you acknowledge your children want to talk about the past and you want to meet them there. Third, you asked for support. These are not small things. These are signs of a parent who is growing.

And I want to compassionately name something your question holds: when our teenagers and young adults want to revisit the past, it can awaken old fear. Fear that we failed. Fear that their hurt overshadows our intentions. Fear that we don’t know how to handle what they say or that we’ll make things worse.

You are not alone in this.

I, too, made mistakes. And I, too, felt deeply uncomfortable the first time my oldest daughter brought up something I wish I had done differently. But sitting in that discomfort — staying open when every instinct wanted to defend, explain, or dismiss — created something unexpectedly healing in our relationship.

Hearing that I had “messed up” didn’t end the story; it opened a new chapter of repair.

I hope sharing my story, the therapist’s words that steadied me, and some practical tools will support you as you navigate your own hard-but-sacred conversations.

Thank you for trusting me with one of the most difficult questions a parent can ask of themselves.

My Story…