Building Positive Anticipation When It Seems the World is Collapsing
Give yourself something to look forward to. It doesn't have to be big.
Confession: Lately, I haven’t had the energy to plan anything beyond what is right in front of me.
When I even consider planning something to look forward to, the what ifs stop me cold.
What if something happens, and I can’t do what I planned to do?
That’s the thing about living in wildly unpredictable times. If you can’t anticipate what’s going to happen tomorrow, how can you feel confident planning something next month or even next year?
But what if the event actually taking place is not the piece we should focus on?
What if merely anticipating a positive future event holds more benefits to our well-being than the event itself?
I am talking about the extensive research that shows…
having something positive to look forward to provides a sense of purpose, hope, and meaning
imagining a future where things might be better, even temporarily, helps us cope with the present
having something enjoyable to look forward to, however small, can reduce stress levels and improve emotional well-being
The impact of anticipating an enjoyable experience is even demonstrated on a physiological level. A 2018 study asked participants to anticipate a positive event while undergoing an MRI procedure. The imaging test showed that positive anticipation caused participants’ brains to release dopamine, a neurotransmitter that results in feelings of pleasure, satisfaction, and motivation. (source)
I think about what my 21-year-old daughter, Natalie, told me as we traveled to her first half ironman race in December. She’d just finished her first semester at a new university, one she’d transferred to when her beloved college unexpectedly shut its doors.
I was aware Natalie’s transition had not been easy. There were gaping holes in her life that friends and coaches once filled. But I did not fully grasp the extent of her grief until she explained what it meant to have this event on her calendar during these difficult months.
“Somedays, my training session to prepare for the race was the only thing that got me out of bed.”
Looking forward lifted her from the depths.
But that is not all…
In the act of preparing for that future event, Natalie made friendships that have endured past the event itself and continue to help her thrive during a challenging second semester.
Natalie’s example has inspired me to be more intentional about identifying positive events to anticipate. The research I uncovered revealed that looking forward to small things is just as effective at increasing our sense of hope as big events. Psychologist Kelly Nardella teaches clients to harness the good feelings that come from anticipation by making the future plan concrete. This could mean sharing your plans verbally with someone, writing them down with specific dates or starring them on a calendar. It could also mean displaying symbolic objects that spark a sense of anticipatory joy.
As a visual learner, I decided to make a Corner of Light in my kitchen where I feature items that represent future events I am looking forward to. They include:
Seeing Avery graduate from high school in May
Gathering with a small group of like-hearted women at my Soul Shift retreat on March 7
Opening Day for the Atlanta Braves baseball team on April 4
Seeing Mat Kearney in concert on April 27
Watching the tree we planted in memory of my father-in-law, Ben, bloom in March
Enjoying the return of the Mourning Dove couple to their nest on my porch this spring
Watching Natalie compete in her second half ironman on Mother’s Day weekend
I recently decided to make room in my Corner of Light for an opportunity to host an experience I knew I would look forward to and would also offer a sense of anticipatory joy to others. The same renowned travel company that organized my California National Parks adventure last fall and my upcoming Utah Red Rocks Adventure this fall has selected me to lead their first-ever group travel experience in Hawaii.
Truth be told, I was stuck in the what ifs for a few weeks. Fear of the unknown stopped me from moving forward with a plan – but then I remembered something Linda, a traveler on the California trip, told our group.
When her family expressed concern about her going on an adventure with people she never met, her definitive response was this:
“I have followed Rachel’s work for a long time. And because Rachel is the magnet bringing this group together, I trust she will attract like-hearted people, and I want to be a part of it.”
To be a connector in a time of division
To be trusted when distrust is rampant
To be an encourager of broadening perspectives in a time of narrowing minds
To be a participant of growth-oriented experiences when it’s tempting to stay small and stagnant
To be a spreader of joy when fear threatens to decimate delight and ease
This is what I look forward to – to joyfully persist in living life when outside forces want me to wither and give up.
In a recent essay, I included a picture of young Natalie inside a cave in Hawaii. To me, it represented the pain cave we are collectively facing and my desire to be light in the darkness. I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you the most prominent memory I have from that trip in 2018.
Our family had just arrived on O’ahu and decided to grab dinner at an outdoor café on Waikiki Beach. Never mind it was 2am our time; we were on island time!
The jovial waiter began pouring water and asked, “Are you celebrating anything in particular?”
Without missing a beat, my then 77-year-old mom raised her glass and said, “We’re celebrating life!”
This is the energy I want to bring to the world – and yet, I must acknowledge the road ahead will be quite challenging. Therefore, building muscles of resilience and joy must be practiced a little each day.
On days when it’s hard to get out of bed, I will gently remind myself something good is coming. In my Corner of Light, I will see tangible proof.
And in my little corner of the world, I will BE proof of light.
I refuse to give up.
🗣️ Tell us… what is something you are looking forward to? Nothing is too small!
✨✨‼️🗣️ LAST CALL FOR A TRANSFORMATIONAL WEEKEND WITH ME…
I will be shipping necessary supplies to Kripalu on Monday for my restorative retreat on March 7-9. I need to get a final headcount as soon as possible. If you plan to come, please register today. If you are still on the fence, here is what you can expect:
“I have experienced many trials in my life, and over the years, I’ve pondered how I can heal. By going through the Soul Shift process, I finally see which beliefs are no longer true for me or serve my authentic self. It will take practice to release them, but there is a noticeable increase of peace and calm every single day. In just a few weeks, my family and I are reaping the benefits of Rachel’s workshop.” –Soul Shift participant
There are currently 20 beautiful souls registered. Be #21. You are worthy.🩵
Rachel,
Your Corner of Light reminds me of a shrine of sorts--a sacred space--that conjures peace, light, hope, and whatever you need as you stop and pause in front of it.
I think that's what these times are returning me to, two things really: one, compassion and two, the sacred.
I am reading CHERISHED BELONGING by Gregory Doyle, and he says often in the pages of his book, "We belong to each other." Indeed.
And this: "Sometimes the most difficult stranger to welcome is the one inside of us."
He believes that belonging involves looking at social problems differently than we usually do. Instead of focusing on the word "hate," look behind and beyond it: what is the wound that caused the hate? Asking ourselves this question helps switch a deeper compassion for all of humanity as the wounded walking. Because that's what we all are: wounded. And when we can remember that, we are better able to return to each other and remember that we all belong to the human family.
That is what I am focusing on.
There is something holy about that, therefore my word "sacred." Holiness as an everyday experience. Holiness as in locking eyes with a stranger and smiling. Holiness as in witnessing the seasons unfold and unfurl. As in listening to my kids encourage each other, say they're sorry, ask questions, wonder.
The sacred lives inside each of us. I believe, as Gregory Doyle does, that no human is inherently bad. Regardless of what heinous things people do, there is always a wound behind it. And therefore the only response is the one of recognizing the sacredness in each person and in choosing to love.
Great piece 🧡 A grief and resilience researcher I follow sent a template for a basic calendar to write on all the things we’re looking forward to. Hers didn’t work for me, but i printed my own - so i now have a joy calendar on my wall. It only contains the things I’m looking forward to; its effect has been stronger than i expected!